June 29, 2012
What Happened to Risk...
What happened to risk? That was my word for 2012. I thought about it and decided that this year was going to be the one where I took some risks. Big risks.
I know this -- getting out of bed every day is a risk. And perhaps that's enough risk for anyone.
I had some ideas, some dreams, some goals I wanted to pursue. And I have done that -- to some degree. But take the huge plunge? I'm not ready. I don't think it's fear so much as it's I just can't be bothered. Which kind of makes me laugh. I've said it. I'm lazy. I've got no gumption.
What was I going to do that was such a risk? It seems so unimportant now. My life is going on just fine without this "plan" and while I've spent quite a bit of money on the venture, it doesn't mean that it won't come to fruition. Sooner or later. When I feel the motivation. Or not. At the end of my life I'm certainly not going to be known for it. For doing that. For being that entrepreneur. And that's okay.
And why did I choose a word anyway? What was I thinking? I need a "word" to define who I am and what I am for 365 days? How ridiculous. It's as bad as making a new year's resolution. I've been holding myself accountable to a 4 letter word. I did this because other people were doing it and it seemed like a good idea at the time. And we've all be there before, where it "seemed like a good idea at the time". And maybe it works for other people. Which is great. For them.
I think I need to give my head a shake...which I've done. I would have been better off doing that when I sat down and decided to myself that I would choose to "risk" for 365 days. But I have been risking. I get out of bed each day. That's a huge risk. Anything can happen.
So here is to living my days without "a word". Without rigid, self-imposed boundaries. Without limiting myself. Without holding myself accountable to something unworthy. Without making myself feel small if in fact I never do find that motivation. Without having that yoke across my shoulders which has in all probability been holding me back.
I hereby denounce "risk" and having a word each year to sum up who I am. Trust me, there aren't enough words in the English language to sum up who I am. Nor does there need to be.