This photograph was taken this morning, from inside the warmth of my dining room, through the winter dirty window, looking out to the bleak winter dirty day. And this is where we are on January 4th. The tree we chose and decorated for Christmas has now been stripped of all it's finery, it's sparkle and it's glory, reduced to dry, brittle needles that fall off when you as much as look at it. And there it sits in the snow by the curb, waiting to be picked up tomorrow with all the other trash and recycling. This beauty will not end up in a landfill...it will be sent to be recycled and used for mulch. I like that it will have a purpose of renewal.
I'm taking my sweet time this morning, enjoying a cup (or two) of coffee, thinking about dropping some bread into the toaster and figuring out where my day will take me. I have a trip to the library that is a must and perhaps I'll stop at the local charity shop and leave a few things for them. I've collected a few piles that are ready to "go". A birthday cake is on my list of things to buy (long gone are the days when I'd bake one!). Younger son turns 21 on Monday. My hand shakes just a little when I raise my coffee cup thinking about that sentence. How can he be 21? But he is. As both guys are heading back to their respective cities and schools this weekend (older tomorrow, younger Sunday), we'll celebrate his birthday tonight. I'm thinking about how much I've loved having them both home for a few weeks, but I'm also thinking about how much I'm looking forward to having the house to myself again during the day. We so easily become creatures of habit. I know they are looking forward to their own spaces...they'll miss home cooked meals but they won't miss being able to come and go as they please without a parent saying "you going out? where?" -- not because we're keeping tabs on them, it's conversation, it's interest, and in my case it's being a mom and with that comes the privilege of being
nosy interested. They become used to being their own person and doing as they want without needing to keep anyone else posted or in the loop.
I'm thinking about plans for this year. I'm thinking about the trip we'll be taking to the UK, to Northern Ireland and to England. I'm not sure how long the trip will be or where we're going for certain yet -- Belfast yes for a wedding (and to spend time with my dearest friend) and to visit some family of my husband's. London because we must and I have family a little north of London I'd like to meet. Liverpool, Manchester and Devon to visit the areas where 3 of my grandparents came from. Scotland for the other grandparent will have to wait for another trip. I have a few other friends in the area and I'd like to try and meet them if it's possible, depending on our time and schedule.
I'm thinking about moving house. I've wanted to move house since the day we moved into this one. I saw it as a "starter" home, my husband saw it as the last place he would ever live. But that was many years ago. Time changes us and it changes our thinking. We need less and I would like more. I would like a much larger kitchen...a farmhouse, country kitchen. I would like it to be the largest room in the house. I would like a front porch or a back porch...somewhere that I can sit and be with myself in the world. I lived in the country (it was considered the country when I was 9-10, it's now almost a suburb of the city!) years ago and said I would never live in the country again. Never say never. What I thought at 10 was based on a fractured family life and I associated where I lived with who I was and what my life was all about. I hadn't the wisdom at 10 to know one had nothing to do with the other. I'd quite like to live in the country, in a smaller place with more land around me. We have a lovely garden and space at this house, but I would like a little more. Whether this move happens in 2013 or within another year or two isn't important. It's the dreaming and the thinking and the planning that matter right now. And
convincing sharing with the man who said he'd never move from this house the joys and benefits to a change of location for our "golden years". It's all about renewal for me today.
What are you renewing and dreaming of?