Portobella Lane

Ordinary Moments...

2012-03-09T09:31:00.000-05:00

...sometimes they sparkle, sometimes they don't. Ordinary moments make up the bulk of our lives but there is nothing to say we can't get out a chamois and give them a little sparkle when necessary.

I love a Friday morning where I can take my time over my first cup of coffee (today it's a cinnamon vanilla nut by Archer Farms...from Target), and get my day off to the start, that may not end up where I intend, but it's the start I try to get the day directed. This morning the sun is trying to shine and I'm ready to get moving. I'm not "happy" sitting around with no energy and as you'll have realized I don't like to be in one place for too long.

The above book by Christine Mason Miller was written a few years ago and I had often thought of purchasing it but didn't until a few weeks ago (thanks Beth for having this on the art table for me to browse through!) and I came away feeling many things and thinking many thoughts. I would say this book was on my agenda at the time when I needed to be reminded of quite a few things.

Bear with me as I ramble...things like I can write my own story and take the pieces plopped in my lap and configure them to the way I would like them to look. True, it might mean things look a bit lopsided but it is MY story...and I'm caring what others might think of it because??

Even as I'm writing on this blog I'm somewhat censoring myself. I do believe that we need to be our own censor, to be sure we aren't creating a false image or using words that might offend and not opening and revealing ourselves to our deepest core. I'm not talking about that...I'm talking about holding back and not being fully myself or speaking clearly. I'm talking about knowing that someone I used to know is reading what I write and I'd rather that person not really know much about me anymore. However, I write in a public domain and that is going to happen. There is an underlying feeling though given the past relationship and how it ended, that this woman is sneaking a look into my life, the look that she forfeited 32 years ago for reasons of her own and I became comfortable with that. It was a gift, even if I didn't recognize it at the time. And I've moved on into my life and filled the space that she left in other ways. I'm sure she isn't aware that I know she reads my thoughts from time to time, but I am. And I know this. I hope that she finds something that she is looking for in doing so. We were friends and we are no longer friends. We were friends for a short period of time and we have been strangers to one another far, far longer than we were ever friends. I would like to believe that perhaps there is some remorse and that the glimpses she gets here (because they are really only glimpses) serve a purpose greater than just being nosy and satisfying curiosity.

Life is filled with ordinary moments and they don't all have to sparkle in order to be special. As a matter of fact, some of the best moments in life shine best when you look upon them as a memory.

Message to this virus. I am getting up and I am going out and I am pushing forward. Even if I am going forward on my knees...

A Pictorial Essay of Savannah...

2012-03-08T10:58:00.000-05:00

This virus still has me wrapped in it's tentacles. One step forward (right so you know me it was more like three) and it puts me two steps back and I'm taken by surprise how low this has laid me. Another day of keeping under the radar so I thought, because I've got Georgia on my mind, that I would just leave you with a pictorial essay of my day in Savannah. It was a blend of primarily the "old" with the "new" of shipping that has carried on from those times past. If you would like to see the photos as a slide show, click on the first one and it will create a slide show for you.

We stayed by the riverfront for the day as there was plenty to see and plenty to capture our interest. Another trip is on my "list of things to do". No time to check out the old houses and the squares, the cemeteries or the museums. Savannah is indeed a city rich with history, mystery and for those who enjoy a little ghost haunting/hunting, I believe there is a very large "brewing" of that. I hope you enjoy these snippets.

This reminds me of "Gone with the Wind" - February 2012

I just loved this old boat wheel used as a sign for a shop - February 2012

They've maintained the old brick of the original buildings down by the river - February 2012

They've kept the cobblestones as well -- not pleasant to walk on - February 2012

Nostalgia for the tourist trade - February 2012

Old signage by the river which I loved - February 2012

modern day shipping as a freighter leaves the river for the Atlantic - February 2012

One of many statutes in the area, this one depicting "Freedom" - February 2012

the pleasure of watching an artist at work...or is it play? - February 2012

vibrant colour and detail - February 2012

driving the streets of Savannah with the massive Oak trees and drapes of Spanish Moss - February 2012

I hope you've enjoyed this essay. I love a little synchronicity as well. As I started reading Patricia D. Cornwell's latest novel "Red Mist" I smiled quite broadly -- the book is set in Savannah. As the author describes and talks about locations in the book I am instantly transported in my mind to "seeing" and "feeling". What is life without a little synchronicity?

One final thought I would like to add. I have seen this on other blogs lately and I have noticed it on mine. I'm not impressed with how Google is taking particular words in our posts and adding a link which takes you to a page that has NOT been linked by the author of the blog. I only highlight books, places you can purchase something I have shared or to other blogs if there is something I want to share there with you. I DO NOT link or highlight to other websites for anyone who is selling something or wanting you to take a survey. My own little disclaimer here. xo

Not "Who", But "What"...

2012-03-07T11:35:00.000-05:00

I so value the comments that were left here on my post from yesterday. As well as the comments I received on Facebook and those I received in private emails. There is a sense of community when you share what is on your mind and in your heart and you realize that others feel something similar or perhaps just understand and value what you are feeling. Those gratitudes while "small" are in fact really quite large.

Further reflection has lead me to recognize that it's not so much "who" I am that is pulling at me, but "what" I am. I know full well who I am with regard to my character and my values, my interests and my passions. I know who I am with regard to my shape, size, colouring and physical attributes. I know who I am in my heart and my soul.

I seem to be "stuck" on the part of myself that encompasses "what" I am in this world. From earliest childhood we are taught that we are small, tall, outgoing, introverted, shy, outspoken, we are feminine or masculine, or a tomboy, or a sissy, or we are kind and generous or we are selfish and needy. Certainly some of that encompasses our "who" but these words are labels that we attach to ourselves or others have attached to us and we have come to "believe" they are true of us (okay, the short/tall part we can't argue with -- you are the size that you are and that is true!).

We are asked from early childhood "what do you want to be when you grow up?" -- and we have nothing to base the answer on other than what we know of the world "at the time". I would have said at different times that I wanted to be a teacher or a lawyer or a mother. I did in fact manage one of the three.
And motherhood also encompasses a great deal of teaching and being a lawyer..sometimes for the prosecution and sometimes for the defence!

As I grew older I recognized that I had an interest in and a talent for being creative. I enjoyed writing and art and I liked designing things. I thought at the time I was twelve that I might become a writer and yet lawyer was still in my mind. And I continued to be creative.

In high school I excelled at Marketing and using all those skills -- being creative, designing, using my words and my artistic abilities but life has it's way of pulling you where you are going and my direction did not lead me there. My story is no different than hundreds of other stories. I chose a different path because it was necessary and it certainly was easy. But I can tell you that it brought me no joy, no passion and no pleasure. I worked to earn money. Oh I was very GOOD at what I did, make no mistake, and I used those talents many times in my adult life, but as for something fulfilling, it was not.

Motherhood consumed a great part of my life and it has been an incredible experience I feel privileged to have been given. Throughout my children's childhoods I was ever present as the mom involved in school activities, serving on committees, organizing fundraising, driving students to athletic games, driving my own two for years to hockey practices and games and being involved in the running of many of those teams. I have enjoyed every moment of those experiences.

And they are now "over". I am reminded often that "I've got it mom" -- a nearly 24 year old who tells me that he can handle "this" or "that" and don't forget mom "I have lived on my own for a number of years now". Yes, you have. And a 20 year old who just smiles at me when I remind him of something simple, one of those things mothers do and then says "mom, I'm 20...it's cool." *sigh*

In many respects I am now "retired" from active duty. Oh I'm still a mother and I am still "needed" in some ways but I have "completed my mission" -- they've flown. Successfully to date. And I see no reason why they will not continue to.

So I go back to "what" am I?? I've tried to define myself as a creative, or an artist or a writer or a what?? When I was in Florida the "girls" were out for a day of shopping and we met a young family with whom Beth had become friendly after snapping wonderful photographs of them on the green. When Beth introduced us to her friends she introduced Kim as an artist and she introduced me as a writer. I heard that. Loud and clear. And I wonder why is it that we often do not see ourselves as others do? Why do we fail to grab that definition of "what" we are until we hear someone else utter the words that perhaps we've only just glanced at ourselves? Where did that 12 year old me go in all these years?

That 12 year old writes letters to the editor and articles for other publications. That 12 year old me wrote letters to pen pals for many, many years and made some wonderful friendships. That 12 year old me writes on blogs and writes words to comfort or encourage others. That 12 year old me gives those words in other places but never sits down and says "these are my words and I want to share them from me to...."

I'm grateful that I can hear what others say about me or think about me. I'm grateful that I know I can commit myself to being who I am and what I am. I'm grateful that I recognize I no longer need to rely on others to define who or what I am...that I can know this in my heart and accept it and do something with it. I don't need to fly on someone else's coat tails...I need to fly with my own wings to reach whatever destination is out there waiting for me.

Fly...use your wings...

A Gift Within a Gift...

2012-03-06T10:40:00.000-05:00

Seashells - Tybee Island, Georgia - February 2012

There is so often joy in the small things. Like finding this shell on the beach at Tybee Island and discovering another shell tucked within. It is like finding a gift within a gift, and when the other gift is smaller it is often very easy to overlook it because the eye is focused on the larger gift, the one that is so much more visible.

For the last few months I have been feeling "apart". I am part of my life and yet on a very deep level, as if I am observing from above. This feeling hasn't alarmed me or worried me, but I've noticed it and I noticed it a great deal more while I was on vacation. I think it was being in the car, in a closed space and watching miles of countryside slide by the windows. Time such as that always gives me time to think and to reflect. Car travel offers some of the best opportunity for reflection, introspection and conversation. I have had some of the best conversations with my children while riding in a car, most often when we would be traveling across the city to hockey games.

Upon my return from our two week journey I half expected that feeling to dissolve, but the other half of me knew that it was only the beginning and that it was time to discover why I was feeling this way and to bring the pieces back together.

I have always been a "helper" and a "doer"and a "giver". When I was a child and a young adult there was a very great part of me that resented that. As if I was only here to help others and not myself. A silly attitude to be sure, but there were many factors that allowed me to choose to feel that way. It took motherhood and many years of maturity to allow me to realize and accept that this is a gift. After cancer I focused on my own health and recovery but I also focused a great deal of time on helping others because it was and continues to be so very important to me to do that, to extend the hand, the shoulder, the arms to embrace.

What I have come to understand now is that I haven't been taking enough care of myself. That I haven't been putting myself first at times when it would be wise to do so, or quite simply "okay" to do so. I need a balance of giving and taking. And I'm not talking about taking from others though I have come a very long way with that and I know how to accept help and the gifts of others. It's the taking "me" time and not saying "oh I really could be doing this instead..." It's about being able to fill myself with what I need and want and feeling that I'm "entitled" to do so. There was a lengthy period in this past almost 7 years where I felt that I would be "stepping on cracks and breaking my mother's back" if I stepped out of a "mould" that I had created for myself.

I believe in the power of prayer. And so over the last few weeks I have been talking about this and asking for guidance in how can I learn to take better care of myself. To make sure that I am healthy and satisfied and doing the things that I know will bring me pleasure or new experiences. And the answer came. Not in the form I thought it would or expected it would. And how great is that when the answer comes and you know "I've been heard!"

My Sunday in bed, all day, staying flat on my back or sitting up to have some soup (even if there was no "Soft Kitty"!). I took care of myself. I put myself first. It was step one in the answer to what I had been asking. Do I think I was given this virus "on purpose"? Well, that I can't answer. I have no immune system as such so of the 4 of us in the house at the time, there was a very high chance that the virus would find me. Given my lack of direction and feeling "low" at the time, I was open to the virus in that regard as well.

This isn't about getting sick and dealing with a virus as much as it is noticing the small gifts. Looking inside to see what else is there. Being aware and mindful.

I'm having a jammie day again so far today. Yesterday was busy taking the younger one back to school as he finishes the last part of this semester. And running necessary errands. I felt okay, the sun was out, and it was mighty cold. But I did too much and today I'm feeling a bit knocked back. So a slow day, more reflection and thankfully, less VapoRub.

Listen for the answers to the questions you ask...be aware and mindful of where they are, those gifts within a gift.

Got the Vapo, But No Soft Kitty...

2012-03-05T20:45:00.001-05:00

This little jar of VapoRub and I spent the weekend together. It was my childhood cold companion and it is my "go to" remedy when I have a heavy cold. It was my "blessed relief" yesterday from total congestion and the fact that at some point I was fairly certain that my head was going to blow up. The Vapo didn't let me down.

I spent the entire day in my bed, resting, reading, drinking tea, orange juice and water. I got up a few times because of all the tea, orange juice and water and to clear the "mound" of tissues that were accumulating on the bed. I napped a few times and I ate a few times and basically just allowed the germs to run their course.

Around 5:00 a.m. I woke and thought my head was being cleaved in two. Sleeping with my mouth open to breathe produced very dry throat and mouth and contributed to the headache. A quick pit stop, a large helping of VapoRub smeared on my forehead and cheeks and back to bed for another few hours of sleep. My hair looked a fright when I got up but the headache, was gone. Don't tell me this stuff doesn't work!

When I got up to get some soup later in the evening, "The Big Bang Theory" was on. Sheldon had a cold and asked Penny to rub VapoRub on his chest and sing "Soft Kitty" to him. I did ask, but there were no takers on singing "Soft Kitty" to me. So I went back to bed.

The Bird Girl...

2012-03-04T12:07:00.001-05:00

image found on google.com

When I travel I find that I like to purchase a book either written about the area or that has some significance to the area. I've never really given much thought to the fact that I do this, however, after I purchased "The "Bird Girl" The Story of a Sculpture by Sylvia Shaw Judson" when in Savannah, I recognized how often I follow this practice. Therefore it must be instinctive.

Many years ago I read "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" by John Berendt and thoroughly enjoyed it. I didn't see the film which was apparently loosely based on the book (the book is non-fiction though it reads like a novel). I remember being struck by the beautiful statue of the bird girl that was on the cover of the book and that it was in the Bonaventure Cemetery in Savannah.

It is no longer in the cemetery. The popularity of the book and the film meant so many visitors that in order to protect the sculpture it was moved first to a private home and it is now residing in the Telfair Musuem of Art.

As much as I would have liked to visit the museum to see this sculpture there wasn't enough time in our day but a future visit to Savannah will most definitely include that.

As I was shopping along the Factor's Walk district of Savannah I saw this book and knew I wanted to bring it home so that I could learn more about the artist, Sylvia Shaw Judson. There were many replicas of this statue for sale, all of them heavy, all of them expensive. While I would have delighted to see one of these every day in my own garden, or a smaller version inside my home, I'm happier with the book.

I'm flat on my back this weekend with a miserable, heavy duty head cold. I'm giving myself orders to stay in bed and treat myself with some tlc. I'll have ample cups of tea and read this book while the sun is shining on me through my window.

For the Love of Junk...

2012-03-03T11:32:00.000-05:00

One of the best days we spent in Florida was the Saturday. The community where we were visiting was hosting its annual yard sale with a large number of vendors congregating on the green and a large number of buyers coming to check the merchandise.

Yes it was cold...freezing cold at about 48 degrees around 8 a.m., very unseasonable for Florida. But we cared not. The sun was out, we had coffee (well two of us did...we knew we wouldn't make it far without that jolt of caffeine in our systems), we were bundled up and we had cash in our pockets. Need I say more?

This was my favourite vendor of the day. I think I returned to purchase from her twice, okay so maybe it was really three times. Seriously, I could not get away from what she had to offer without finding something else I "needed". I initially purchased a small pillow in a shabby chic ticking pattern. I almost put it back because it wasn't "aged" enough until Kim said "dye it in tea or coffee" -- yes!! Thanks Kim!! It was $8. I turned around to join the others, and then saw a gorgeous quilt...

which I purchased for $10. At the time I thought I would use it as a photo prop or for crafts. It's now been washed and is on my bed...it fits beautifully and it's added a new dimension of charm. All I need now is some throw pillows, a new window treatment and I have the perfect lamp to move from another room. I love make overs that cost so little.

We moved on to other parts of the green where I purchased a great old picture frame (thanks for the nudge Beth!) with the wire attached and clothes pegs hanging from it. Another $10 delight.

I purchased the frame from this vendor. Do you love her style? The Chanel chapeau, the pink polka dotted coat and the gloves? I'm sure the gloves were part of the style but they were functional as well.

On a final sweep of the sale before heading out to do other things and grab some lunch I returned to my original vendor and purchased this tatty old quilt for $10 (cushion is from Hobby Lobby). It's a mess but that's part of the charm. No idea what I will do with it but cutting it up is probably in it's future. When I paid for it the woman selling it told me she had intended to do just that when she purchased it but had never managed to find the time. My gain.

Another $2 for a vintage ticking tea towel from a vendor that Beth was having some success with (the quilt she purchased is lovely) and I was done.

I love the rust on this piece...so many wonderful old bits that I came across on my travels. And a love of the flea market, antique shop and "junking" was reborn. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy finding those small or not so small special pieces. Warm weather lets go -- I'm making a list of spots to go hunting!

Living in Our Hearts...with Powdered Sugar Mustaches...

2012-03-02T09:00:00.000-05:00

Beth and Kim at Great Southern in Seaside, Florida - February 12, 2013 -- this is love

It has been kind of a rough week. I heard about a cousin who has to go back for another "view" for her mammogram, and actually have a core biopsy. I'm praying and feeling that it's "nothing". Her 35 year old daughter has just gone through a mastectomy for cancer that is more found in a woman of 65. Enough already.

Another friend just had a second surgery for breast cancer that has shown up in her "other" breast. Thankfully not as "serious" as her first diagnosis. And caught early. Enough already.

Another friend is saddened by the fact that a good friend has been diagnosed with metastasized breast cancer and there is really nothing to do other than control her pain and allow her to live her life as best she can with whatever time is left. Enough already.

So I'm feeling the need for laughter and some of what we captured in Florida. With our silliness and our joie de vivre. And the reminder that life is just what it is. But we can make it whatever we want it to be in any given moment.

Kim digs into the beignets for our laughter - Great Southern, Seaside, Florida - February 12, 2012

Thank you Beth, and thank you Kim for reminding me, and everyone else that it is the special moments that make up the bulk of our lives. And that laughter among friends or even if we are by ourselves is what carries us through to the next moment. One breath, one moment, one day at a time.

Beth at Great Southern, Seaside, Florida - February 12, 2012 -- getting ready

"And GO!" - Beth at Great Southern, Seaside, Florida - February 12, 2012


Let's Make "Lines" in the powdered sugar at Great Southern, Seaside, Florida - February 12, 2012

Sometimes you just have to let the good times roll. You have to let them roll out the way they want, not the way you think they will go or want them to go. It's about being in the moment. And making the most of that moment.

Let's remember to live in our hearts and not our heads...and make every moment of each precious day speak for itself.

Beware the Time Share...

2012-03-01T02:44:00.000-05:00


Myrtle Beach, South Carolina - February 14, 2012 from the 20th floor of the Anderson Ocean Club and Spa

Come and listen to a story about ~~a man named Jed~~ our recent experience in Myrtle Beach. It's all about caveat emptor -- buyer beware. Always, always, always, the buyer must be aware. I started this post with a bit of humour, but there really wasn't anything "funny" about our time in Myrtle Beach, a place I have always loved and now feel a little bit soured on. I certainly wasn't laughing on the 16th of February but now I can look back at this experience and laugh.

Myrtle Beach, South Carolina - February 14, 2012 looking south from the 20th floor of the Anderson Ocean Club and Spa

I know there are people who have time shares and they love them. I have two friends who have been involved with this practice, one for many years and she has never had any issues. I also know that there are people who have purchased time shares and it has been the biggest mistake of their lives and they wish they had never succumbed to the "pitch". If this experience had played itself out honestly from day one, I never would have agreed to what was offered over the phone in September 2011.

In September 2011 I was offered, as a frequent patron of Hampton Inn hotels, the chance to have an additional vacation with the Hilton group (Hampton Inn is part of Hilton). This was offered when I made a call to a Hampton hotel to change a reservation. It was presented to me in such a fashion that I was taking a 4 day, 3 night stay and getting a discount -- a way for Hilton to say "thank you". I thought it sounded great and said "yes". If the words "time share" had been mentioned anywhere in that speech I would have said "no", emphatically. I didn't see or hear the words "time share" until I received an email notice and the payment had already been taken off my Visa. Strike One.

It took us awhile to be able to make arrangements to use this "gift" (remember, it is not a gift, we paid for it) and we were hounded repeatedly by Hilton to do so as the offer expired at the end of February 2012. With some trepidation we booked our stay for the middle of February and were told (more than once) that we would be expected to attend a 2 hour presentation on the morning of February 16th. Wonderful.

Roll on to our arrival at the hotel, which is lovely by the way, and the staff at the front desk were exceptionally helpful and friendly. Our room was on the 20th floor...an ocean "view" room with a bed that they called a "queen" and which we would call a "double".


20th floor "oceanview" balcony, Anderson Ocean Club and Spa, Myrtle Beach, S.C. - February 2012


"queen" bed, 20th floor Anderson Ocean Club and Spa, Myrtle Beach, S.C. - February 2012

Without a doubt, the room was lovely, if somewhat "high" and away from the ocean. There was a washer & dryer in the unit, a lovely bathroom, table and 2 chairs, kitchenette...but the only other chair to sit on you can see in the corner of the above photo. Nowhere "comfortable" to sit. The bed? It was uncomfortable for two. Strike Two.

When I visit the ocean, I book an oceanfront room and I like to have a separate bedroom for peace, quiet and the luxury of saying "this is my vacation". I would never book an ocean view room and I would most certainly never book a double bed. This was taken care of by Hilton as they booked for us. The following morning we went to the front desk and for an additional just over $50 total for 2 more nights we upgraded -- and went down to the 12th floor. With an ocean view, and a larger balcony, and a couch and a chair, and a breakfast bar in the kitchen, and a pull out bed, and a king size bed in a separate bedroom. Still with a washer and dryer, AND the bathtub was a jacuzzi unlike the one on the 20th floor. Booking the former was meant to entice us to buy? No, it was just another marketing ploy...

living area and ocean front balcony, 12th floor Anderson Ocean Club and Spa, Myrtle Beach, S.C. - February 2012

king size bed in the separate bedroom, 12th floor Anderson Ocean Club and Spa, Myrtle Beach, S.C. - February 2012

We arrived at the sales centre on the 16th of February 9:00 a.m. for our ~~three hour tour~~ supposed 2 hour presentation. We were told that there was "no pressure" and they "did not believe in the hard sell". Lovely. We listened to the pitch, we told the sales person six ways to Sunday that we weren't interested and then we had the tour of the hotel rooms. Lovely, starting with the one we "dumped". When we informed the sales person that we had already upgraded ourselves at a reasonable cost, he was shocked. But carried on. Until we reached "the closer". The money lady. Vicious and determined she was. Al is an accountant. He knows numbers. He knows what we can and cannot afford. He told her that we could not afford this and the woman proceeded to tell us, almost pounding her fist on the table "oh yes you can and I'm going to show you how." Really? Interest on the payment, because we are Canadian would have been 17.5%. 17 point 5 percent. Seriously? We could get a mortgage here in Toronto right now for 2%. We were told that at Hilton "we want our money right away." At that point I nearly laughed except I was exhausted. A final "no" from us caused the sales person to simply leave the room with no further words to us, and me telling the money woman that she was pushy and aggressive, although according to her, she was simply "passionate". Strike Three.

We gave them 4 hours of our time, 4 hours of our lives that we will never get back. We spent the rest of the day doing our best to put it behind us. And feeling sorry for anyone in the group of 16 couples that said "yes" to this insanity.

So beware. Please. If someone offers you something and it sounds "off", it probably is. We didn't save any money on this venture...we paid the going rate for the hotel room. Before and after we upgraded. And Hilton? It's not so much different than any other hotel chain. They're just trying to find a different way to get your money, up front. And I didn't even get into the $1,000 per year fees and from what I've gathered since from a website devoted to this -- untold other fees that are never mentioned during the ~~pitch~~ presentation.

It's okay Myrtle Beach. I still love you.

Leap or Leap Not...(Updated to explain removing Captcha)

2012-02-29T09:39:00.001-05:00

leaping in the Traveling Red TuTu - November 2011

No leaping for me today...just an extra day to try and get some things done....

Maybe earn a little extra interest from the bank (can you say so minuscule so that we hardly notice?)...I had a second cousin who was very "detailed" shall we say about his money and he made sure to visit his banks (yes, plural) to be sure that he did in fact receive that extra day of interest....

I finally managed to get rid of that double word verification on my blog. It took me a few hours (there are a few hours of my life I'll never get back...another reason to be glad we've got an extra day this year) to figure out how to get to my old blogger dashboard in order to do that. If it is still there, please let me know so that I can ~~flush my head down the toilet~~ do something about it...

I closed my Pinterest account last night because of all the articles I'd been reading and thoughts from other bloggers. Copyright infringement being part of it, and the ethics of sharing other people's work with often no credit or the proper credit being given even if I thought I had made sure to credit the appropriate person. And the reality of what was I ever really going to do with all of this accumulated goodness anyway. The truth is, that in the short period of time I was on Pinterest I loved looking at all the beauty and the "eye candy" and I loved collecting...but I never did go back to any of my boards to "do" anything with what I had amassed. So, one less thing to do, one less place to go, one less way to procrastinate about all the other things that need to be done and are calling to me saying "please let's do this"....

Okay, maybe just one little leap as I get up from this seated position to make some coffee...

Update: Oreneta asked how to get rid of captcha (that annoying 2 word, barely legible most of the time word verification). My detailed and lengthy search led me to a forum where someone called the new Katney explained it well.

Whoa! I've been able to track down most things that seem to have moved on the new dashboard but I can't find this one. You may have to go to the old dashboard to do it. You can do that by logging in towww.blogger.com/home instead of www.draft.blogger.com/home . If it won't open the old dashboard for you, then you might have to clear your cache.

That will take you to the old dashboard we knew and loved and if you go to your settings there you can remove the word verification. Hope that helps!

Vacation Can Be For The Birds...

2012-02-28T14:40:00.004-05:00

Myrtle Beach, South Carolina - February 2012

And sometimes you get your feathers ruffled...

And we did in Myrtle Beach....


Myrtle Beach, South Carolina - February 2012

Tybee Island, Georgia - February 2012

If you're with friends, then even the annoyances and small petty things that happen are minimized and you think about the times you've spent with great people and not those you'll never see again...

Seaside, Florida - February 2012

Or maybe like the Sand Piper you turn your back on the aggravation and walk away...


Toronto, Ontario - February 2012

When all else fails there is nothing like laughter...someone making a funny face for your amusement just to ease the tension and say "hey, don't get those big girl panties in a knot..."

I was grateful that all of these birds were on the ground and not in diving range, though there were some that hovered...when you've got your face at the camera lens you aren't always as aware of what is going on around the top of your head if you know what I'm sayin...

It saddens me that I feel the need to put a watermark on these photographs and yet some are so lovely that I can see someone else wanting to use them, and that's a compliment. I just want the credit when I manage to produce something that really makes me say "this is great!"

At the Beautiful Seaside...

2012-02-27T09:45:00.002-05:00


Seaside Florida - February 11, 2012

Florida was the "ultimate" destination of my winter interlude and had been since sometime in late autumn. The dates had been fixed and the plan was that I would fly down there and hook up with friends for some much needed and looked forward to "girl time".

Kim, Beth & Sherry - Seaside Florida - February 12, 2012

As so often happens in life, plans changed, mostly because of life events and a commitment to money already spent back in September on a Myrtle Beach ~~scam~~ adventure . The difficulty with Myrtle Beach was that it had to be done by the end of February 2012. Given that I was planning to be in Florida anyway, and we were running out of time on Myrtle Beach, we decided to make the best of it all and add Myrtle Beach at the end of our trip, so driving was the key. And a hostess who was graciousness herself and insisted that "the Man" would NOT stay in a hotel as he and I had decided. We were given the carriage house at the cottage. We girls did our thing and bless his heart, Al did his thing for those days and gave us the space to have uninterrupted girl time. We did, however, feed him and water him.

I've been to Florida numerous times, but had never been through or stayed in the panhandle area. I discovered how much I had been missing! The white sand, the turquoise blue of the water....breathtaking.

walking down to the beach - Seaside Florida - February 11, 2012

Gulf of Mexico - Seaside Florida - February 11, 2012

Seaside Beach, Florida - February 11, 2012

It's too bad it was such a cold day, but it doesn't diminish the smile on my face or the joy in my soul as I stood at that water just soaking it all in. I'm Canadian...I'm used to cold weather. I wasn't expecting it in Florida, but it in no way dampened the time spent with good friends! There was no snow. Need I say more?

So many wonderful days with friends, not enough time, but we packed the hours with talking, laughter (would you look at THAT, would you just LOOK at THAT??"), walking, shopping (we're all very good at that!), eating (as we are with this), and art (I watched while the others played...). I have more to share about my Florida time and will continue to do so over the week. If you'd like to hear other stories of our Florida time, you can read Beth's blog and Kim's blog.

It's dull and cloudy here today in Toronto. I'm off to flip through my other Florida photos and relive the sunshine! And memories of time spent with people who make me feel at home, no matter where I am.

Eating Southern Style...

2012-02-25T11:35:00.000-05:00

This vacation will be long remembered for the food...the great meals and the friendship around the table.

There was a fried green tomato BLT in Atlanta. Scanning the menu at the bread, bakery, bistro we chose (The Corner Bakery Cafe on Peachtree Road NE) that day my eyes lit on the "fried green tomatoes" and it was an easy choice...we were in the south. It was a "must" and the sandwich was delicious. Homemade red skinned German potato salad was a perfect side.

In Louisiana I had a taste of Kathy's grits at dinner...rich, buttery and creamy and a little went a long way. I had opted for the roasted corn and dirty rice. Loved the dirty rice!

In Savannah we had lunch at The Cotton Exchange and while my main meal of a Reuben sandwich was tasty if pedestrian, the crab chowder before it was filled with crab, potato, corn and just the right amount of spice.

It was in Florida where I was in gastronomic paradise...

crab cakes at Great Southern and even better ones at The Red Bar...

roasted red pepper and tomato basil soup with a half baguette at a wine store/cafe...and while the ladies were dining there, Al was out walking and treated himself to lunch at this fine establishment (housed in an old airstream trailer!)..

beignets at Great Southern...

and eggs, bacon and smoked gouda grits for breakfast at Great Southern. Those grits are out of this world!

Key Lime Pie...you cannot be in Florida and not have Key Lime Pie...best one I have ever had, with the most melt in your mouth crust came from Red Bar...so good we had it for dessert back at the house and one night it was all I had for dinner...with whipped cream on top.

Best grilled cheese sandwich I have ever had was courtesy of our hostess Beth...the ingredients were a delightful mix (the tuna made the sandwich), but I think it was the fact of the sandwich being created with love that made it the best meal of vacation.

Sweet Home....

2012-02-24T08:37:00.000-05:00

This trip afforded us our first opportunity to travel through the state of Alabama. Whenever I think of Alabama I naturally think of Lynyrd Skynrd. I'm not really a fan but everyone else in this house most definitely is.

I realize that there is so much more to Alabama than a song and a band. Driving through Montgomery and stopping there to eat lunch, I couldn't help but be moved by the fact that we were in the place where the Civil Rights Movement was born in 1955. Add that February is Black History month and I felt privileged to be traveling that road. Times have changed, history has moved forward but there is still evidence that we have a lot of road left to travel.

Alabama was also the first official stop we made to "junk" or trawl for antiques and treasures. Driving by the city of Opelika, we noticed a sign for an antique and flea mall called Angels and I insisted that we turn around and head back. I'm glad we did. So is Al. I found a few treasures, he found some used LPs and 45s.

Next to Angels Antique and Flea Mall is Resurrect Antiques and I had a wonderful time browsing through this shop. I found a few bits and bobs that had to come home with me and would have brought more if I hadn't known I would need to leave room in the car for more...this was only day 4 of our trip.

image from Resurrect Antiques

If you are in the area or are going to be in that area at some point, definitely prepare to make a stop to wander the aisles.

Alabama is a beautiful state and one that I know at some point I would be happy to return and explore further.

Pausing to Think..

2012-02-23T12:29:00.000-05:00

I took 10 books away with me on vacation and read exactly none of them. I read a few chapters of one and then a few chapters of another and never really found myself interested in reading any of them. It might have been because we were moving around a lot. It might have been that I found "better" things to do (especially when I was with my friends!). It might have been that I was on vacation from everything including my regular routines, habits and hobbies and found other ways to fill my time.

I stopped in at the library yesterday to return all of those books as I didn't even feel the desire to renew any of them and found 2 on the 7 day loan shelf that caught my eye. There was this one by a Canadian writer, Brian Francis, and another called "The Table Comes First. Family, France and the Meaning of Food" by Adam Gopnik. That one is non-fiction and looks like it will be a fun read about what goes on the table, what happens around the table and what that means today.

For some reason, I picked up "Natural Order" in the early afternoon and began turning the pages and before I knew it, I had read 272 pages of the 361. It is what I would have to categorize as "a page turner". There are moments when the story has upset me, where the story has unsettled me and where the story has made me smile. It is written so beautifully and crafted so honestly that the characters between the covers of this book feel absolutely "real" to me.

I never like to talk about the story of a book because I think discovering the story is part of the mystery and the magic of reading. I will say that the subject matter is relevant and as a mother I am reading the book and feeling the nature of a mother's need to protect her children, sometimes to the point of no return. I'm feeling that when a parent protects a child too fiercely that maybe the parent is actually protecting him or herself more than the child. I'm feeling that when we choose to just accept our family but never talk about "who" we are, we do one another a huge disservice.

There is a pull in this novel...a pull towards examining our own lives, who we think we are, who we think the other members of our family are and maybe for some a re-evaluation of what we think we have known.

I'm glad that my instinct lead to me to pull this book from the shelf and that I "chose" it as my first post vacation read. Or maybe this book chose me.

The One About Louisiana....

2012-02-22T11:30:00.001-05:00

Kathy & Sherry in Louisiana February 8, 2012

Our day in Louisiana was picture perfect. Blue sky, warm weather, sunshine and then the anticipation of meeting a friend I have known for five years, and the relationship has just grown and flourished over those years. Kathy and I met through our blogs back in 2007. We've gone from commenting on one other's posts, to appreciating one another's art, exchanging our art and coming to realize that our souls are on very similar planes and we have an understanding of one another that has been expressed in many ways. Being able to meet and to touch and share hugs and smiles was like waiting for Christmas morning...and it finally arrives.

Looking at this photograph of the two of us makes me laugh. No, we are not divas (well, certainly not in the usual sense!), but when Al was taking the photographs of our arrival and first meeting, he seemed to be cutting off our heads and aiming "down" rather than "up". So what did the two of us do instinctively? We put our heads up and back as if that would "correct" the error. Rather like shouting when you speak to someone who is speaking in a foreign tongue.


Lake Pontchartrain Louisiana - February 8, 2012

Most of the day was spent talking. Laughing. Wandering some of Kathy's favourite places to "junk" (we didn't buy anything, it was just nice to be able to look together). We ended up at the Lake and sat in a little white gazebo, gazing at the water and soaking up the sun. At one point we were serenaded by a "little" parade. Little because it was just one young man and his recorder, or a penny whistle. He marched while playing a little tune. He made us smile. Not so much because it was odd or unusual...because he was marching to his own drum, doing his own thing and most of all...he was happy. He didn't care if others were looking or what others thought -- he was just being himself. It was good to see that message play out as we relaxed by the water.

Louisiana - February 8, 2012

This house was the view across from the lake...I love the architecture and the design. The big fan on the porch ceiling, the windows, the landscaping. I love that these people still had their Christmas decorations up and that the wreaths on the doors and the garland at the top of the stairs were done in mardi gras colours of purple, gold and green!

moss on the trees in Louisiana - February 8, 2012

I love the vegetation and the flowers in the south. I loved seeing the moss on the trees in Louisiana (and Georgia). I love seeing how different plants and vegetation grow in different parts of this continent and how different it is to southern Ontario.

And finally we did the one thing that I had been telling Kathy for ages about...we went to get "drive thru" daiquiris! Alcoholic beverages at the drive thru window. Yes, it does exist!! For those who may not be aware, we have very strict laws in Ontario. We can only buy alcohol in a licensed outlet known as the LCBO (Liquor Control Board of Ontario). We cannot buy beer or wine in the convenience store or the grocery store or the gas station. We can only buy beer at The Beer Store or the LCBO. So it has always been a treat for us when we travel in the US to buy our adult beverages while shopping for other things. But never in my life had I experienced a drive thru adult beverage!! And can I tell you...it was wonderful!!!

Drive Thru Menu Louisiana - February 8, 2012

I made this photograph extra large so you can read the choices. And the prices. And before anyone becomes alarmed, no we DID NOT drink and drive. There are laws about that and while this was an unusual experience for me I didn't throw caution to the wind. We took our drinks back to Kathy's house and enjoyed them there.

My "to go" Margarita in Louisiana - February 8, 2012

It's so cute when the little window opens and the bartender takes your order. The window closes and then "presto", out comes your medium margarita (Kathy had a daiquiri). With a straw. And it was really, really good! Packed a bit of a punch too.

Sherry and Kathy dinner at Zea in Louisiana - February 8, 2012

As our day came to a close, Kathy treated us to dinner at Zea Restaurant. I think the smiles on our faces are testimony to the wonderful day we had...and we toasted to friendship and life and the promise to do this again. Soon!!!

Happy Fat Mardi ... Time for Pancakes and Beignets!

2012-02-21T13:03:00.000-05:00

One of the things I enjoy most about travel is what I learn along the road. I like being exposed to other culture, other food, other ways of life. Some of what I see on the road is sad and unpleasant. Poverty hurts and there are places all over the world, but especially in places hit hard by the economy where poverty stands out and you cannot miss it for what it is. There comes from those experiences a great gratitude and appreciation for all that we have and a reminder that life is hard at times, it can be cruel and there are others who are often less fortunate than we are.

Spending time with my friend Kathy in Louisiana was one of our best days of vacation. We arrived in Louisiana on the evening of the 7th and did find it a little difficult to navigate our way around. Why? Not fatigue or being incompetent in reading directions or following a GPS. It was dark. And in Louisiana in the dark it is mighty hard to read the street signs...especially as they are so low to the ground. You don't see huge Wal-Mart signs up in the sky in Louisiana..they too are low to the ground. As are the stop signs...and everything else. It's not because the people of Louisiana are particularly short, it's the weather. And it makes sense.

My friend Kathy and her husband Steve were blessed during Katrina in that they are further north of New Orleans and reside on the north side of Lake Pontchartrain (which is beautiful by the way...Kathy and I sat by the lake in a little gazebo talking and soaking up the sun...for quite some time). The only damage to their home was the loss of a number of trees but thankfully their house and their furry crew were spared. Talking with Kathy about the changes brought about by Katrina gave us a different insight into that disaster. We heard directly from Kathy how people felt, how the economy changed, how people moved further north, that there was in fact a state of martial law in effect and that sadly, while there have been improvements and rebuilding, the 9th ward in New Orleans still looks much as it did right after Katrina. There is that pain of poverty again. And government. And politics.

There was no time to venture into New Orleans on this visit but we did love the area where we were for the day -- and we had a delicious meal with Kathy in the evening. We asked her about local, traditional foods like etoufee, and Kathy gave me a taste of her buttery grits which were rich and delicious.

Our best food laugh came at my expense and I'm still laughing about it...I'm sure Kathy is as well!! When giving me directions to her home from the hotel, Kathy mentioned that we'd see a "Chick-fil-A" on the corner...she pronounced it "chick fillet" -- and I burst out laughing. I mean, I got it when she said it and it makes sense. But here I was reading it all the way through the US every time we saw a sign for one as "Chick Fill "A" (as in apple)". These are the kind of memories I love making!!

You're probably wondering about these photos of the food basket...and FINALLY I'm going to share what this is. Kathy, bless her transplanted northern sweet southr'en heart...y'all have to know what a wonderful woman she is. And everyone in Louisiana calls you "baby" and that fits for Kathy! Kathy put together a basket of essentials from Louisiana for me to bring home. I love it!!!

There were mardi gras beads on the outside and on the inside (I am wearing them today in honour of Mardi Gras and I'm jingling and jangling!). Each colour of bead represents something specific: Purple is for Lent and stands for Justice; Gold is for Easter and stands for Power; Green is for Epiphany and stands for Faith.

Also in the basket were boxes for jambalya and dirty rice (Zatarains of course!). There was étouffée sauce, cajun butter, Italian olive salad, creole seasoning, remoulade dressing and beignet mix...oowee!!!

In honour of Fat Tuesday, Shrove Tuesday, Mardi Gras, Pancake Tuesday -- whatever you call today, tonight's meal will be pancakes and beignets.

taken at Great Southern in Seaside Florida, February 12, 2012

I had never had a beignet before but while in Florida, on our last morning there we had breakfast at Great Southern and shared a platter of beignets between the 4 of us. Good? It doesn't come close to describing this deep fried goodness.

If you stayed with me to the end of this, congratulations...there are many more stories to come from my February travels, photos of friends, and places and experiences. I hope you'll enjoy hearing about them all.

H♥O♥M♥E

2012-02-20T11:37:00.002-05:00

Savannah, Georgia - February 13, 2012

I am home. After 15 days on the road, I am now back in my own space, my own bed, my "real" world.

It's going to take a period of re-adjustment. No one to make my bed. No sitting down to eat whatever is on the restaurant's menu. No one to ask me how "y'all are doing". No warm days. No flowers in bloom. Yet.

I'm sitting here this morning, waking slowly and savouring. I have a new latte mug that I purchased in Target.

In that mug is a huge cup of Georgia coffee that I purchased in Savannah. It is in a word "sublime". I'm drinking "Prissy's of Vidalia" Southern Pecan Coffee. The packet says "A taste of Southern Gourmet". Oh it is indeed. Much better than the swill in the Styrofoam cup I'm holding in this photo. I don't know what that was.

We left North Carolina on Saturday morning and it was 65 beautiful degrees. And sunny. As we drove north, the temperatures began to drop and upon arrival in northern Ohio that night it was 33 degrees. We left for Toronto on Sunday morning to the tune of 30 degrees and while it was sunny and bright in Toronto....it was only 28 degrees. But no snow. Can we hear a chorus of hallelujah for that???

I took 418 photographs over 15 days. It's going to take me awhile to go through them all because with each one comes a memory (and sometimes a total black out of "what the heck is that supposed to be" on the ones that are not in focus).

We went through 12 states in 15 days...5 of which we had never been through before -- Alabama, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi (and yes, as we went through Mississippi I did the old M I SS I SS I PP I...) and Tennessee.

The best memories are the ones with my friends. I know I will be awhile over those as I remember laughter and conversation and the bliss and joy of being with those who you find complete comfort and a sense of belonging with.

Packing Up...

2012-02-03T06:42:00.002-05:00

(image from google.com)

Two book reviews in two days. There is a reason for that...books borrowed from the library that need to be returned before I leave for my trip. Both books are on the "hold" list which means no renewals so it has been a matter of reading like a fiend in order to get them back to the library. Happily I have done so.

I read Ami McKay's first book "The Birth House" when it was first published and was captivated by her ability to weave a story. Her second book, which I eagerly anticipated, has been a long time in the making and I have not been disappointed. "The Virgin Cure" is an easy read and it kept me entertained and compelled to keep turning pages, long after it would have been wise to turn out the light.

To understand what "the virgin cure" is, go to Ami's website here, where she will describe this period in time, the beliefs that were held by men and you will be taken into the life of her main character, Moth. An unusual name for a most unusual child but a name that holds much significance.

The packing for vacation has commenced and there will be books packed for the trip south. I look forward to mornings, by the time I reach Tybee Island and Myrtle Beach, where I will sit on the balcony with my coffee, watch the ocean and read. Hopefully there will also be pool side time in a comfortable lounger with my books and just time to "be" and feel the pace that moves as I want it to.

I'm taking this one with me...

(image from google.com)

Aside from the fact that it seems fitting for a "road trip", it is also one of those books that I thought I had read and yet I haven't. High time I did.

I may be in touch while on the road...not sure. It will depend on timing and if I am sitting still long enough in one place to write. If I'm not online then I will be back sometime after the 20th. Hopefully I will be rested, relaxed and filled with good food, good wine and great times and wonderful stories of time spent with friends.

It's rather nice to go away and know that there is someone at home to take care of anything that needs doing. Being the parents of adult children is rather nice ... a bit of freedom well earned!

Mystery Alphabet...

2012-02-02T08:58:00.000-05:00

I've been along for the ride with PI Kinsey Millhone since she stared solving crime with "A is for Alibi". And it's been a great ride.

Sue Grafton writes mystery with a twist and her main character has character plus. Reciting the alphabet has never been such fun.

We're nearing the end of this series and guessing what Sue Grafton will do with some of the more unusual letters such a "X" and "Z" is half the fun. I thought "Q" might stump her but "quarry" was the obvious choice.

Over the years I've come to feel I know these characters -- Kinsey, her neighbour and landlord Henry, his brother William and his wife Rosie. I look forward eagerly to each book being released and I realize I'll miss them when we've finished reciting the alphabet.

Leap...

2012-02-01T11:13:00.000-05:00

Post Vacation Projects...

2012-01-31T11:18:00.002-05:00

As well as planning a vacation trip I am also planning DIY time around the home. There are some projects I want to tackle just because it's "time". When I first painted this dining room wall I had already tried 3 different colours and projects before I settled on this warm red (Behr Fox Fire which is no longer made). It just made me happy and to be honest, it still does. But I'm ready for something new. This colour has been up for 10 years and I think that's long enough to love and enjoy a colour. Then again...it might end up staying. I'm not sure I'll be able to just "wash it away'.

The main floor is a large "L" and the front of the house is all windows which face north. I had settled on Benjamin Moore's "Dijon" (Dijon 193). It's a warm gold yellow and looks wonderful in both daylight and night light. More than the red I am very tired of the yellow. I've been feeling for months now that I want something more neutral so that I can incorporate other colours into the rooms.

I'm leaning towards Benjamin Moore's Bennington Gray as my neutral...a neutral with some colour (more like a cafe au lait) according to Curbly.com, whose author also says that Bennington Gray responds well to warm colours...as in the colour on the dining room wall. I had been contemplating a darker brown for the dining room wall and adding some wainscotting to the bottom of the wall, painted in a lighter contrasting colour. Decisions, decisions. For now I will begin with the other walls in the Bennington Gray and make all other decisions from that point.

(image from curbly.com)

The painting I will do myself...I thoroughly enjoy the process of stirring the paint, applying the paint and watching the transformation take place. As well, I find painting to be relaxing, calming and therapeutic.

After the painting or during the painting, will come the bathroom renovation. This house was built in 1962 and this is the original bathroom. In all it's "gory glory". It seems that as soon as we made the decision to have the bathroom completely redone, the room decided it had had enough and decided to fall apart. Tiles falling and giving way. It's been a treat! Knowing that it won't be this way much longer fills me with joy.

No decisions have been made as to design, colour or textures but that's coming. I've been scouting around on pinterest and on other design sites. I've been buying magazines and borrowing materials from the library and putting together what I would like the ideal bathroom to be. This work will be done by those who know what they are doing...plumbers, electricians, builders...this isn't one I have any desire to tackle on my own. I'll even let them do the painting once I have chosen a colour scheme. One benefit to joining the gym is that while this shower is out of commission for the weeks the renovation will take I do have the use of the shower at the gym. Even more reason to be motivated to get to the gym.

It most definitely will NOT have counter tops that look like this below...1960 called and it wants the entire bathroom back. Even if it's in pieces, it will go with my blessing.

I would also like to take a moment to thank each of you who left a comment with your thoughts about blogging and blogging etiquette. I love putting a question out to you and having the feedback of your thoughts. This was obviously a topic that many of you had very definite feelings about and I appreciate how each of you respond to the blogs you read and how you approach what you do with your own blogs.

Packing Light...

2012-01-30T08:32:00.000-05:00

(image found on pinterest.com originally from travelista.com)

I found this great list for travel packing on pinterest. Are you on pinterest, the drug of choice for those who wish to be addicted? Someone I adore sent me an invitation and it's hopeless. I could be lost there for hours. I have a few invitations left and I'm happy to share them. If you think you'd be interested, let me know by email and I'll send you one.

I leave on Saturday for parts south. It will be a two week driving trip with a few stops to sleep, a few stops to shop and a few stops to catch my breath and spend time with besties.

As ever when I travel I tend to take "too much". I think I'll want this and need that, and maybe I should include this because I might feel in the mood for that colour and wait, if I'm taking "that", then I'll certainly need "this". And so it goes and the suitcase is stuffed.

When I'm away I always look for "new" things. I think I'll add to my wardrobe or my art supplies or things for the house. Tough to do when you are flying, but I'll be driving and there is lots of space for shopping in the back of the vehicle. Some of the clothing will likely be worn and added to my suitcase so it is nice to have that room. Even so, this time, for 2 weeks, I decided I wanted to try and condense things, to keep it simple and to stay within a colour palette.

I'm going to try this, keeping within the groupings and see if I can put together a compact suitcase that will offer me options for dressing each day. To that end I found a great blouse yesterday at Winners that will be making the trip (it actually looks like the one in the top row!) -- it will roll easily and creasing won't be an issue. Sure, hotel rooms have irons and ironing boards. But this is a "vacation" and there's not a hope in ... there's just not a hope that I am going to iron. The blouse can be worn dressy or it can be casual and that's always a plus. So maybe this time I'll get it down to a fine art. I hope so because I've got a longer trip that will require flight coming up in late spring and I'm definitely going to want room for goodies to come home with me then.

My biggest problem will be footwear...but I've already decided. Take a few...and buy more as I go. Works for me.

Rights and Expectations...

2012-01-28T23:45:00.001-05:00

(image found on google.com)

I read something the other day and it's been on my mind since I read it. I've been tossing it around in my thoughts to come to a decision or a conclusion as to how I feel about this subject and where I would say I make my stand.

Blogging is an interesting and beneficial practice. It allows us to share our thoughts, our feelings and parts of our lives with others. It allows us to meet people from all over the world and to build relationships and friendships that we would not otherwise have had.

Here is what happened. A blogger who is also a well known and highly respected (as well as very successful) artisan wrote a very lengthy post on her blog. It began as a process of the author's feelings and her thinking on a subject and quickly evolved into a diatribe more than a rant. It was extremely lengthy and there was a point where the author said she considered deleting some of it but decided she needed to say these things. She admitted that she had posted like this in the past and been "blasted" for it but it was important for her to speak her feelings. I am not going to link to the blog or the post in question. That would be more like gossip and rubber necking and that's not what I am intending. It has made me think and I would like to know how other people feel about this.

In this blog post, there was much talk of those who read this particular blog, people who read and never comment and people who ask frequently how something is done. In short, the author was tired and fed up with being asked these questions and was letting people know that in future if she continues to blog, anything she wishes to share about process with her readers will be included in the blog post. People who read and comment on this particular blog were attacked and made to feel that they were out of line in asking these questions. The author's point was that she was very busy, took time out of her busy life to create her pieces, to photograph and edit them and then to sit down and blog and if she was going to continue blogging, then things would have to change. The tone of the post was somewhat whiney and poor me. It smacked slightly of her own self importance and that her time was more important than anyone else's. It may not have been intended to read that way but as you know, quite often with written communication what you intend can differ from what is interpreted.

The response to the post was a lot of people saying positive things and to a degree fawning over the author and her right to feel the way she does. There were only a few who disagreed with her words and her finger pointing and attack as they felt it to be, and called her on it. Basically they had very valid and well expressed comments about what she had done, their interpretation as to "why" it was done and that they would no longer read. I didn't get the impression that these people were guilty of ever asking a question but nevertheless they were insulted as readers of the blog. As you will imagine that caused further outrage by readers who left more comments in support of the author.

Today there was a follow up post from the author who had expected there to be some backlash and was quite happy for those who wanted to leave to go and if they were reading the post, she bid them goodbye. I did not post a comment on either of the blog posts. Are we as commenters not permitted to say when we disagree or feel slighted or hurt? Are we just to read and leave and say nothing? Do we accept that whoever the author of the blog is, has the final say? These questions have been swirling in my head.

Our blogs are our own personal space to journal and to write in the way that fits with our personality. If they aren't why write them? Why not use your own voice and be who you are rather than creating a journal space and using a voice you want others to think you possess? We are free to talk about any topic or subject that appeals to us or has meaning. When we read other blogs we decide if your voice or my voice or the next voice is one that resonates or makes us think or makes us laugh or teaches us something and in some cases we just read to admire art or photography or any of the visuals. From there we decide if we wish to become a regular reader of that blog.

What our blog is not, in my opinion, is a personal journal. A personal journal is one in which you write your thoughts but have no intention of sharing with anyone else. You are only writing to and for yourself. When you journal on a blog, as soon as you have hit "publish" you are now available for anyone with access to a computer or an ipad or any other technical device that accesses the internet to read your words. You are publishing just as you would any other periodical. You are out in the wide world and what you have written has hopefully been written with a mass market readership in mind. If you do not wish comments on your thoughts, you have the option of turning off the comments on a blog. If you leave the comments open then you are open to other thoughts by those who read what you write. And you might not always like the comments because other people might not agree with you, have a different opinion or viewpoint or just be contrary. We have the option of deleting negative comments. I see the sense in doing that if the comments are hurtful, spiteful or insulting and not on topic. If they are on topic, then isn't it part of the blogging experience?

You may not agree with my thinking. You may feel that a blog is one's personal right to maintain any way that suits. My question to you is what rights and expectations do we have as bloggers once we have hit that "publish" button?

The One Where I Talk About Honouring...

2012-01-27T08:39:00.000-05:00

(a journal page created by yours truly)

There are many aspects of blogging that I enjoy but one that I always appreciate is the feedback on posts. It's not about the fact that I then know people are reading what I'm thinking, what I'm saying or sharing (although lets face it, that is rather nice!), it's the realization that what I might be feeling, or you might be feeling has been felt by others. It allows us to connect and from that connection and sharing comes other ideas and other ways to look at a particular situation...that we might otherwise not have considered. That's what happened with yesterday's post about creating art journals.

The responses made me smile, nod my head and say a very big "YES" to each and every one. I came away feeling a renewed sense of peace and joy about being creative and what that means to me. You can read all of the comments here, but one theme that was common was that by taking classes about art journalling we do come away with other aspects of art that are used in other mediums. Bottom line...nothing is lost in taking classes in subjects in which we have no true interest or true calling. We can't know that until we try (or in my case, try, and try, and try...).

I cross-posted this on facebook and this comment from my friend Marsha sums it up quite well:

"Being an artist is truly a journey of evolution . . . sampling, tasting, and casting off the old as we continue the search for what makes our individual hearts sing."

Even if you aren't an artist I think this is a universal truth. When we try new things at any time in our life it opens a window to new opportunities, new ideas, and expanding our minds. Whether it's trying out a new genre of book (I'm starting a fantasy novel by Patricia Kennealy and fantasy is not an area I would normally venture and I'm keeping an open mind, which is hard because I had already decided that fantasy is silly -- there is hope that I will be proven wrong), a new type of food or wearing a colour you are normally not drawn to. You won't know how you feel about something until you've tried it.

The fact that I persevered with art journalling as long as I did simply tells me that I love the process or creating the pages. As you can see by the example above, I do enjoy playing with paints, textures and colours. It's the actual writing on top of them that I don't enjoy. I realized from the comments yesterday that I'm not alone in that. So I now know that I enjoy creating backgrounds and using them for collage. I remember how much I like working with colour and design. I know that I prefer to keep my words in a separate place and I recognize, acknowledge and accept that my most comfortable form of communication is with the written word.

Cathy talked about admiration of other people's art journals. About the fact that she would like to create something similar and there is a large truth in that for many of us. We see what someone else can do and we want to be able to make that, to create that as well. But much of the time, that is not to be because that is the other person's gift and all we are meant to do is enjoy and appreciate it. Kim, on my facebook page, called that "honouring" and I can't think of a more beautiful and humble way to speak our admiration.

The comment that I believe sums it up for all of us is the one left by Susan,

"Dance to your own sweet tune, in the end it is the only one that sounds just right."

Isn't that the truth to every single aspect of our lives? No matter what you do, how you find pleasure in life or how you express to the world who you are...make it your own dance. Allow others to honour you.

As for me, I'm off to find some paper clay this weekend. I'm taking a class on making Santos dolls. No idea what mine will look like, but I'm eager to try my hands at this.

It's a heavy, rainy day and meant to be this way for the duration, turning to light snow sometime during the night. We haven't seen the sun for a few days so I picked up some yellow tulips yesterday. They were in the "sale" bucket and were looking a little bedraggled. Looked to me like they needed to be loved on so home they came and brightly they sit in a jug by the window. This poor wee one broke before it even made it to the water. But I could still see the beauty in it's final moments.

Whatever you do this weekend, make it a good one...and find a tune you can dance to.

I Think I've Got It...

2012-01-26T03:48:00.002-05:00

(image from Stampington.com)

When I have a revelation of sorts it can take over my thinking at warp speed. I mean, here I am, it's 3:30 a.m. and I am blogging about art journals. I'd rather be sleeping, but I am not, and as this is just something I am going through, a phase in my life, I'm going with it. No longer thinking about it or stressing about it. It is what it is. And it will pass. But on to art journals.

This is something that I have attempted numerous times. I've bought journals and I've made journals. I've read magazines about art journaling and some of my dearest friends create the most beautiful art journals.

I've taken courses specifically about art journaling and lately, many of the courses I've been taking have art journaling as a component. But why do other courses include art journals? Those who enjoy creating in art journals find the benefit and find a creative outlet that speaks to their nature and their ability to tell their story with images and words. I see the beauty in being able to do that. Sadly, I do not seem to be able to do both at the same time.

I start journals and then abandon them like flotsam left floating at the edge of the sea. Each time I begin a new one I think and I truly believe that this one will be the one I finish. This time I will embrace this art form and discover what it is I keep trying to find when I open a journal and prepare to let the creative juices flow.

The trouble is, the juices don't flow. They squirt out in spurts. My muse doesn't stretch this far and I hit a roadblock, admittedly one of my own making. I've thought that maybe I need a smaller journal, or maybe it's really that I need a bigger journal. No, maybe I need to use more pencil and less paint, but that's not it so it must be more paint and less paper, less gel medium, less words...less something.

And it finally hit me. I don't enjoy it. I really don't like it. It's not my thing and it's never going to be my thing. And that's okay. Because there are so many other mediums in art and creativity that might be my thing. Do you know I've been at this for 3 years?? And it's taken me this long to finally see the light?? Hello....wanting to do something and continuing to try to do something is admirable. But when the rest of you is saying "give it a rest, would you please??" you would think the message would come in loud and clear. You would think it wouldn't take plenty of money on classes and supplies and numerous attempts to feel the muse dance to the beat.

So that's it. I surrender. I'm moving on. My muse needs another partner and a tune it can dance to.

What do you find yourself doing over and over and over again...even though the result is never as satisfying as you hoped?

12 Years...

2012-01-25T09:56:00.002-05:00

I'm in a reminiscing mood today, thinking about the past and the people and remembering. I wouldn't say that I'm sad or melancholy but I am feeling love and a tender ache. It never really goes away. Once you have loved someone that love is real and true and deep. It isn't something that you can just shut off because the person you have loved is no longer with you.

The little one in the chair with me up there. She's no longer with us. She left 12 years ago, quietly, suddenly and by herself. If anything makes me sad about her death I would say it is that...that she was alone. But knowing my sister Arlene, although she feared being alone when the time came she would have wanted it that way. She would have known that I would be the one to find her and I would be the one to take care of things. That was my role you see. Big sister, the big sister who could do anything in her little sister's eyes. The one who could take a problem and fix it or make a bad day better.

Believe me we had our moments. We were sisters after all. But underneath the every day and the bad moods or the arguments or the frustrations we might have felt with one another, there was always love. Straight up, unconditional love. And we shared laughter....much laughter and many, many good times.

I look at the photograph and even at such a young age I can see that she was preparing to leave me. She needed me and she looked up to me but always she was ready to go first. And I'm okay with that now. I wasn't for a long time.

Arlene was bright and she had her moments of true happiness. In her later years she had more moments of unhappiness and sadness and a life perhaps not working out the way she had planned. But it was a good life. Isn't that true of many of us? She was a typical younger sister and she would tell you that I was a typical older sister. Typical or not, we were sisters. We are still sisters.

I think of 12 years passing and I wonder where that time has gone. I think of the things that have happened in the world and happened in my world, my children's worlds and know how amazed she would be at changes and things that have happened. As for the sadness in the world, that I am glad she was never aware of. She had a beautiful sensitivity and felt things oh so deeply and upset herself over things she could not control.

Arlene left us much too early and much too young. She left holes in too many hearts but we keep that space available for her alone. No one else will ever be able to fill that spot...Arlene's name is permanently etched and there will always be room for love.

If I can tell you one thing today it would be this. If there is someone in your life that you don't see often anymore, for whatever reason, tell them that you love them. Give a hug if they are physically close to you. Just touch base. Because we really never know when that last conversation might in fact BE the last one we ever have.

Working on Those Bat Wings...

2012-01-24T09:00:00.000-05:00

(shoulder press image from fitness.dna.net)

So, here's the scoop. I used one of these yesterday. Oh yes I did. As well as something for my chest, and something for the bat wings under my arms and the leg press. I also used the treadmill and the stationary bike and I put myself through my paces. The kinesiologist was there and he did see me working myself into a sweat so he knows his sales pitch didn't turn me off my goal. I rather thought that was a small victory for me. And I felt for the women I saw being given assessments and hoped that they had as much courage as me to say "I'll wait thank you, until I see how I go." Back tomorrow for more. As long as I'm happy doing what I'm doing I see myself continuing with this. Walking on the treadmill didn't give me a headache as I usually get when I take a walk around the neighbourhood...no hard pavement to pound. And I impressed myself by turning up the speed. Mind you, at one point my finger slipped and I could feel the sidewalk moving out from underneath me. Shades of Lucy & Ethel in the chocolate factory...but I quickly corrected and carried on.

As for Elizabeth and Darcy and P.D. James bringing a murder to Pemberley...I finished the book. Barely. And worst of all, I had worked out the ending long before I got there. Always a disappointment to me when that happens. Usually with P.D. James I never "get" the "whodunit" until she reveals because she has a lovely knack of throwing curves. I had read negative reviews of "Death Comes to Pemberley" and had heard from other people that they didn't like it, but I really needed to read it myself. When I took it back to the library yesterday I was talking about it with my favourite librarian and she hadn't even been able to get past the first few chapters. In a word, the book was flat. I admire P.D. James and her work. And I admire her for attempting to think as Jane Austen would but that it is a difficult task, one that many others have tried and not succeeded with. Would I recommend it to anyone? No. But I always believe that readers need to make their own judgements.

I'll soon be starting Amy Chua's, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother", another book that has had some less than stellar reviews. However, I was reading a blog the other day and the author said that she had seen Amy Chua interviewed on television and it gave her a different perspective on the book. She read it and thoroughly enjoyed it. I thought I'd give it a read myself. Do you read a book if the reviews have been negative or do you try it for yourself?

A Minute on the Lips...

2012-01-23T07:52:00.000-05:00

(image from beautyhowtos.com)

Applying lipstick over the valleys and crevices of your at one time smooth lips isn't an attractive look. Those lines appear whether you are puckering up or just smiling. One of the tell tale signs of aging. But they don't have to be there or be strikingly evident.

Lip wrinkles occur due to aging, sun exposure, genetics, lack of hydration (especially in the colder, drier, winter months), thinning and smoking. This condition can be minimized and done without the aid of injecting toxins into the lips. Even if I could afford botox, it's not something I would ever consider.

I do have this issue...I lick my lips and I bite my lips and that doesn't help with the issue of dryness. I know for myself that I need more water. Drinking 8 glasses of water per day would be an excellent addition to my daily routine but I never seem to stick with it.

The following methods for removing dry skin and wrinkles from the lips at home include:

Method 1

You Will Need:

Gentle Exfoliating Cleanser
Soft Cloth
Vitamin E Oil
Rich Moisturizer
Lip Balm with Sunscreen
Water

Instructions

It is important to remove the dead skin from your lips, as from the other parts of the body. So, go ahead and wash your lips using the exfoliating cleanser. However, do not put too much pressure, as it can result in chapped lips. Exfoliation will immediately make your lip wrinkles appear shallow.
Rub Vitamin E oil on the wrinkled area of your skin. Also, apply the oil to the area around your lips. Vitamin E is very effective in making the wrinkled area smooth once again.
Use a rich moisturizer to moisturize your lips. Follow it up with a sunscreen lip balm. This will help to hydrate the skin cells, make your lips plump and also erase the lip wrinkles in no time at all. Moisturizing also protects your skin from environmental damage.

Method 2

You Will Need:

Papaya
Honey
Toothbrush
Natural Oils (coconut/vitamin E/jojoba oil)
Cinnamon
Lip Balm with Sunscreen

Instructions

Mix mashed papaya and a small amount of honey to make a lip paste. Papayas are great in making the lips plumper. They will temporarily fill the wrinkles by bringing the blood to the surface of your lips. Apply the paste on your lips and allow it to dry. Rinse it off with water.
Brush your lips gently with a soft toothbrush, to increase blood circulation and remove the dead skin cells.
Mix a pinch of cinnamon into natural oils and apply it on your lips. This works well to hydrate your lips and keeps them wrinkle free as well. Cinnamon also increases blood circulation.
Apply a lip balm on your lips, the one that contains suncreen as well.

Additional Tips

Take care to drink plenty of water. Have at least 8-10 glasses of water in a day. It not only hydrates your skin, but also keeps your lips in a good shape. Plenty of water will help you avoid and even eliminate lip wrinkles fast.
Whenever you venture outside or into strong sunlight, make sure that you leave the house only after applying a lip balm with sunscreen in it. It will help to prevent lip sunburn, age spots, skin and wrinkles.

Softer and smoother isn't just about looking good when you apply lipstick. It's about how you feel about yourself...treating yourself well. Self care is important at every age. I'm definitely going to try these ideas. Heading south for a few weeks means I'd like to be ready for sun, wind and other elements. Fingers crossed there will be sun!

Austen Meets James...

2012-01-21T16:50:00.000-05:00

(image from google.com)

70 pages into this one...

The murder has now occurred...

Not sure how I'm feeling about it...

Love the writing of Jane Austen...

Love the writing of P.D. James, especially the Inspector Dalgleish books...

But I'm not sure I'm ready for those two worlds to collide...

I give full marks to Ms. James for attempting this...

And I'm enjoying it more than I did the Darcys becoming one with the zombies (my imagination just doesn't have the capacity or the elasticity to go that far)...I actually gave up on that before I'd finished one chapter...

But now the Darcys are involved with murder...will they be the next Nick and Nora? Hammett is deceased so I see no Regency Man series about to sprout...

I'll just have to keep going and hope that the elements of both authors remain intact so that the marriage of the two doesn't end in me filing for divorce from both of them...

...things I'm thinking...

2012-01-20T09:53:00.001-05:00

It's mighty cold out there today...even inside I'm hearing the furnace come on more often. So I'm sitting here on my bed, wrapped in my warm pjs and a robe, with socks on to keep my feet warm, sipping on my first coffee of the day. It's a nice big, round mug...but I wish it was more like a bowl. It feels like it's a day for a bowl of coffee.

I'll be off later to collect a child who is feeling under the weather...a cold coming on so he told me when we chatted last night. First time being sick while away from home and I think a little tlc is what is needed. I didn't offer for him to come home, I waited to see what he would do. Called me an hour ago and would I please come and get him. I think he already knew the answer to that.

I believe he is emotionally tired as much as his body is tired. This young man has issues around death (as do many of us), and he's been hit with death 3 times in the last 2 months....first his grandmother which wasn't unexpected and she was quite elderly, but it is still loss. Just before Christmas the mother of one of his friends since grade 7 passed away. This week the father of his roommate passed away unexpectedly and it means the young man is flying home to the UK for a week. Even when we are not directly involved in the death, the passing of life, the realization that it could happen closer to home and when there has been so much of it can be emotionally fatiguing. I think he also needs to just "see" me and be in my presence. He nearly lost me 6 years ago when he was 13. You don't forget those moments. And for me? I need him to see me, to hug me to touch me and to remember that I am still here and I am in a good place. Cancer doesn't just disappear. Cancer leaves scars that we can see but it leaves scars that we cannot see that can be much worse, because they are hidden and it becomes easy to forget that they are there.

I'm reminding myself with everything that I am undertaking this year that it doesn't all have to be done at once. That I don't have to push to complete and accomplish. That some things I will start and not finish because they won't be "right" and I'll move on to the next thing which is what I was meant to do in the first place.

I'm thinking of holidays and planning a vacation. I'm thinking of the beach and how much my soul is craving water time. I'll have water on the Gulf in Florida, and water on the Atlantic when I'm on Tybee Island and at Myrtle Beach.

(image of Tybee Island from Beaufortcountynow.com)

I'm thinking of girl time and how much fun we're going to have. I'll have one day with this friend and then I'll have about 3 days with this friend and this friend and how excited I am about the good times and memories we are going to create.

And I'm thinking that it doesn't matter how cold it is here today or if there is going to be snow or if I get to the gym or if I write in my journal or if I clean the bathroom or if I make it into my studio...because I am here. And I am ever so grateful that I am.

And just as I typed that last sentence the sun burst out from behind the clouds. Oh Yeah, I gotta a feeling it's going to be a good day.

The One Where the Gym Sends Me Spinning...

2012-01-19T11:58:00.000-05:00

(image from greatist.com)

That would be me today if I looked like that in workout gear...if I wore something like that, my back fat would pop out through the holes and you'd find my photo plastered over those horrible "look how they dress to go to Walmart" pages...but I digress before I even begin...

I don't have enough hands to hold ice packs to the parts of my body that hurt today. I have muscles aching that I didn't even know I had. Am I stiff? Oh just a little. Am I sore? Oh hellz yes!!!

The fitness expert who worked with me (not only is he a fitness trainer he is a kinesiologist and in a previous life he was probably a henchman during the Spanish Inquisition, never mind young enough to be my son) was very nice and very helpful. He talked with me about my goals and my commitment to exercise. Now, given that I was not a sporty kid nor am I sporty adult, and that I detested phys. ed. class, I'm not sure where I would put my commitment to fitness on a scale of 0-10. But I do want to do this. I want to do it correctly and while I am doing it I want to enjoy it. I don't think that's too much to ask of myself.

I did a few machines, he MADE me do push ups and he MADE me plank!! Now if God wanted me to be a table he'd have made me out of wood. But I did it -- or I tried to do it and my whole body was screaming at me "what the hellz do you think you are doing woman??" but I stuck it until I could stick it no more. I did have some issues with squats and lunges because of my left knee which is in very bad shape but the young man did show me other ways I could do those exercises without hurting myself. I liked the bike thingy...you can watch tv while you peddle! And I didn't mind the leg lift machine where I could lift 40 lbs. for 10 reps each. Didn't get on a treadmill because he says I need more weight work than cardio to achieve what I need to achieve. Hmmm.

So at the end of the session where I walk on legs made of jelly and felt like the floor and I could get pretty cozy for just a little while, he sat me down and talked about a personal trainer. Which I knew was coming and was going to be part of the assessment even though no one even mentioned it when I said "sure" to having the assessment upon signing up for the gym. The cost? Astronomical. Am I worth it? Sure I am. But do I want it? No I do not.

At least not yet. I want to try the different things and see how I go. I'm out of shape. I haven't exercised since I can't remember the exact date in 2011. I don't want to go to boot camp with a personal trainer. I want to see how I go and see how I feel and like it before I say "okay, let's get it on" with fitness. It cost quite a bit to join the gym. And the personal trainer is double what it cost me to join. I'll do this. But I'm taking a page from Frank's book and I'll do it my way until I'm more comfortable going to the gym and making that commitment to be there 3-4 times a week. I know myself well enough by now to know that someone holding me to a pace they've set is going to turn me off...I'd rather take that risk once I'm established, not from day one.

I could use a good massage right now...sadly my massage therapist doesn't work today...hopefully I can get an appointment tomorrow. In the meantime I've got a heating pad, hot water bottle, arnica gel and a bathtub that will be calling my name filled with epsom salts!!

Power to being fit and healthy!!! Ssshhh...I'm trying to drown out the noise my muscles are making....

I Started Young...

2012-01-18T02:08:00.002-05:00

Another night of insomnia. I slept well the night before but tonight...not so much. So I'm up and I'm working at making myself tired enough to close my eyes and "let go". I do have a lot of things on my mind and hopefully by writing some of these thoughts that will help me to "let go".

It seems I have this "issue" with letting go of myself. It's as if I'm holding on tightly and what...I'm afraid to fall asleep? I don't think that's it. That I'm afraid I might "miss" something? Well, that might be a little closer to the mark.

When I was a child I had huge issues with getting to sleep. Sometimes I would get up, go down the stairs and tell my mother that I couldn't sleep. I might have been 3 or 4 at the time. She grew weary of trying to encourage me to sleep so she told me that she'd give me a "pill". Can you imagine? It makes me laugh to think of it. The "pill" was white and it was little and it came in a bottle. I'd ask if she really thought it would work and after being assured, I would take the pill with some water and off I'd go and amazingly I'd fall asleep. I didn't need "my" pill every night but it came to the point that when I couldn't sleep I'd just go and tell her I needed my pill. She started this exercise and she had to go along, otherwise I'm sure she worried I'd be up all night or worse, she would have to come clean and tell me that the pill really didn't "do" anything. I was learning about placebos even before I knew there was such a thing! I outgrew that phase and learned later, many years later that "my pill" was in fact a saccharin tablet. Oh the horror! The damage that I'm sure was done to my little body by ingesting saccharin! And how gullible that I believed this sugar substitute had magic powers!

(image found on etsy from Undoneelectic)

One of the things that would keep me awake at that stage of my life was the fear that things might happen and I wouldn't know about it. I worried about fire as many young children do, or I worried that something might happen to one of my parents while I slept. I'd think about something my parents might be doing without me or watching something on tv without me. I worried myself awake.

I think on some level I have reverted to that 3 year old self who won't let go or can't let go in case something happens. Something "good". Even something well, not so good. I think letting go is something I am going to have to retrain myself to do.

Now, I wonder where I could find a saccharin tablet???

Creativity and Inspiration...

2012-01-17T09:04:00.000-05:00

I'm taking Jeanne Oliver's e-course "Creatively Made" and I knew I was hooked after last week. This week is the 2nd of 4 weeks and I can clearly and honestly say that this is one of the best online courses I have ever taken. And I've taken quite a few. It would not only be in my top 5, I would have to say that it ranks as the #1 e-course I have ever taken.

It isn't just about the art. The art is the icing on the cake and the techniques that Jeanne is sharing have been quite good. Some that I already knew, some that I did not. Given that the experience level for this course will range from some people who have never dabbled in or tried their hand at mixed media art and some who do nothing but mixed media, Jeanne is keeping things easy but interesting and showing detailed videos of how she goes through her process.

What I have come to look forward to are the inspirational videos that Jeanne shares each week. Aside from the videos that Jeanne prepares to talk about the topic of the week and the art videos to be watched, there are other artists who have videoed their responses to specific questions that Jeanne asked, they share their studio space and they share something of themselves. Quite a few of these artists I already know from reading their blogs or taking e-courses with them. Some of these artists are new to me and so not only am I learning something about these women and their art I am discovering new people and new ways to look at what creativity IS.

There is a wholesomeness to Jeanne Oliver that shines through her videos. She is honest, graceful and funny. As Jeanne sits in her big mustard yellow chair, sipping from her swimming pool of a coffee mug (looks gigantic on screen), you can't help but feel that you are the only one sitting with her, listening to her speak and share her thoughts, ideas and inspirations. It's like being told a wonderful story and waiting for the next chapter.

I know that the course is closed now but I do hope that Jeanne will offer the Creatively Made course again in the future. It is well worth the money (reasonably priced as well) and I guarantee that you will feel you have learned more than some techniques to do with creativity...you will come away feeling blessed and nurtured and cherished. You will feel that life as a whole has much to offer...and that you have so much within yourself to offer the world. And you can't wait to get out there and do it.

As for these vintage books...this is as far as I have come with any creativity from the class. I managed to find 3 vintage books on the weekend and have begun taking them apart to work on creating vintage journals. There is no rush with this and they will be made and I'll share them when they are finished. For now, it's enough that I have a warm feeling of goodness and joy filling my heart and my mind. And I'm rather sad that I need to wait another week before the 3rd session is posted. I just have to keep telling myself that patience is a virtue and the wait will be worth it! Imagine how I'll feel when the course is over!!!

Layers of Bold Style...

2012-01-16T08:51:00.000-05:00

(image scanned from the December 2011 issue of Country Living - British Edition)

I enjoy the British Edition of Country Living so much more than the North American version. I love the photography, the articles and the general mood the magazine evokes.

When I was reading the December 2011 issue a few weeks ago I stopped full on this article about illustrator Flora Daneman (pictured above). I was immediately drawn to her sense of style and her casual attitude about dressing, of mixing fabric and pattern and coming up with an outfit that is glamorous but also functional. Someone who pairs a vintage dress with utility boots, and layers clothing to make an impact epitomizes a style that appeals to me.

What I love about the photo I used is the pairing of floral and tribal. Tweed and leather and opaque tights to pull it all together. A chunky necklace works...anything too delicate would be lost and make no sense.

The feel here is feminine yet workable, layered but it looks light.

This is not a style for everyone and many would not like it. I do. It makes me feel bold and risky...to step out of the usual solid colours and embrace pattern. My last two purchases were a black short sleeved cardigan and a blue denim jacket. I'm not being risky enough -- that's me, continuing to play it safe. I'll tape this page to my wall/mood board/vision board as a reminder to break free of my limiting style.

Perhaps I'll add a black and white animal print floral brooch to the cardy....that'll be sure to wake it up!

It's About Variety...

2012-01-15T09:11:00.001-05:00

Without a long term goal for any project I find myself wilting and losing interest along the way. Exercise and fitness has been right up there in my top 5 of lacking in long term goals. Maybe that's why this time around, signing my name to a membership contract felt more empowering. I do have a long term goal with this ... it's more than just a commitment to myself...it's about being able to get the most out of each day and making a commitment to my family, to be the "best" of me there is to be.

Heart disease is the #1 killer of women and heart disease runs rampantly through my genetics like weeds in a beautiful garden. If you don't want weeds in your garden, strangling the life out of the soil and the goodness there for the flowers you've planted, you tend the garden. That's my visualization for getting fit and staying fit. Pulling out the weeds, like I pull out those nasty old lady hairs that grow on my chin. I didn't invite those either, I've made it clear they are not welcome but damn, they just keep coming back! What's with that anyway??

There is risk involved with this experience. Sure, there is a risk that I might have a heart attack...my body might go into spastic shock at being put through it's paces. But I'm talking about other risks...injury certainly given that I do not possess the grace of a gazelle and might fall off the treadmill (it could happen!)...but more than that, the risk to be "seen". The risk of entering a space I know really very little about and putting myself into a public forum where others might look at me and judge me. I'm not a size 2 or 4 like some of the women might be. I am not going out to buy "fancy" work out clothes so I'll wear comfort -- yoga pants, t-shirts, a sports bra but I won't be buying lulu or her ilk. The thing is, I'm prepared and ready to risk being seen as the woman I am, at the age I am. I look good, I am not sloppy and I am always pulled together. I'm not going there to be judged or to be in competition with anyone else. And what I really know, deep down where it matters...there really won't be anyone looking at me or judging me...the others will be too busy doing their own thing and quite honestly most people don't care about what others are doing...we give ourselves way too much "importance" when we allow ourselves to fall into that trap. And the worry about being judged? Something like that is what keeps us from trying in the first place.

What I will treat myself to is a new pair of shoes...these ones have covered some miles. I used to walk every day, faithfully, covering ground in my neighbourhood and I stopped. Because I got tired of seeing the same things over and over. I know that there won't be much new to see while I walk on a treadmill but I won't be just walking...there is a rowing machine and an elliptical machine. There are weights and pulleys and "things". It's variety and I think one of the reasons exercise can become stale is that if you have no variety but do the same thing over and over and over...it becomes too easy to lose interest.

Now later today I think I'll go and look for some new shoes....and perhaps a bathing suit for that hot tub!

Working On It...

2012-01-14T11:26:00.001-05:00

(image found on google.com)

Yesterday I took the plunge. In my ongoing commitment to overall health and well being I signed up for a membership at a local gym. It's not the first time I've had a gym membership but I hope and intend for it to be the last...with the exception of renewing the commitment each year.

The last time I belonged to a gym I signed up for the classes and the use of the pool and hot tub. I went with a friend and we fully expected that we would encourage one another to make use of the membership and it went swimmingly (pun totally intended) for a few months. We tried some of the classes and I liked ones that she did not. She liked ones that I did not. But we both enjoyed the pool and the hot tub (with the exception of those women who decided that hot tub time meant it was like their personal bathtub at home and that meant being fully exposed and naked) and tried to make it a weekly or twice weekly, three times a week if we were lucky, experience. And then life did it's thing and she was busy with this or I was busy with that and somehow the membership lapsed and we did nothing about renewing.

My son has been going to the gym regularly now since November and he has high praise for the facility. It's close to home and I like the sound of what the gym comprised. We went yesterday and his presence meant not only that I would stick to my guns and do this, but it enabled me to get a better price on the membership and there's no turning your nose up at that! Incentives are always and much appreciated! This membership gives me both use of the equipment and all the classes they run, as well as the pool and the hot tub and praise hosanna, the hot tub is MIXED so there will be no (and there had better not be) any nekkid hot tub time!

I have an assessment with a personal trainer set for Monday morning. I don't want a personal trainer but this service is offered so that you can meet with the kiniesiologist and he will help you plan what machines will be best for what you hope to accomplish. From there on, I plan to be a regular. And most surprisingly, especially to myself, I am actually looking forward to this.

What DO I hope to accomplish? Better overall health. Lose some of this menopausal weight that my estrogen left behind. And sleep better. I know that exercise and being fit make a lot of difference in many areas of life. That and the fact that I worked my ass off to stay alive after breast cancer...I hardly think I want to sit around and give heart disease a personal invitation.

What commitment have you made to yourself recently?

A Collaboration of Beautiful Minds & Images...

2012-01-13T09:00:00.000-05:00

By now you have noticed this "new" look to my blog. How many incarnations is this? I've lost count, but I do know -- this one is the one. This is the one that will stay for a long time because you see I am finally satisfied.

This is the year of change for me in a number of ways and changing my blog and my banner is just one part of the risk I am getting ready to take.

I'd been scouting around trying to create the look I wanted and couldn't do it myself. I couldn't come up with the exact pieces to make this work. I could see it in my mind but was stumbling in the dark to get to the place I wanted to be.

And then I remembered that Caroline at Constantly Evolving creates blog banners using her evocative and artistic photography, so I sent her a message and explained what it was that I wanted. Do you know how difficult it is to have something you can see in a hazy distance floating around in your mind and then try and explain that to someone who is going to do the design for you? I knew I had found the right connection when Caroline told me she thought she knew exactly what I was talking about.

Imagine my delight when the first version of the blog banner was sent to me and there was only one small change I wanted to make. I explained what I wanted in my very broad terms and within hours Caroline had come back to me with just the very thing I was hoping for. There are elements in this banner that speak to me on a personal level and the photographs speak to me on so many other levels.

I'm so pleased with this collaboration, although I have to be honest. Caroline did all the work. I simply had the idea and uploaded the finished product to my blog.

If you haven't ever been to Caroline's blog it's well worth a look. I guarantee you will be drawn in not just by her words but by the way she has of leaving visual footprints in your mind. And if you need a blog banner? I can only express my gratitude and high regard for Caroline's professional and personal attention to detail.

Thanks Caroline..did I tell you lately that you rock??

Ramble On....

2012-01-12T13:00:00.000-05:00

There is a lot of this going on today -- I'd have known it even if I hadn't looked out the window or heard it banging on the shed outside. My sinus cavities sent a warning around 2:00 a.m. My arthritis, not to be left out, stiffened just a little more. Snow. We have seen very little of that this winter, and while it is early in the season, I know it will make an appearance. I believe this rain is meant to turn to snow later today. I'm not a snow lover, not since I was a child when there was something fun to do with it. Who knows, the way I feel these days when it finally does snow I might make a fort and throw snowballs down the street or lay on the ground and make snow angels. Do I really CARE what my neighbours think of my behaviour? As long as I'm not running around the neighbourhood stark naked, I'm good with whatever they want to think. It's none of their beeswax anyway!

I'm in the funks of January which seem to happen to me every year. I don't think it's just the let down of the holidays being over and the sun being out less (we've been blessed with a good amount of sunshine this year so far), it's the upcoming anniversary of my sister's passing. After 12 years I begin to know the signs of grief surfacing to remind me. It's not a bad thing, in fact it's a very good thing. I'm a little more mellow and a little more quiet and every year I feel myself stronger and stronger since the year 2000. This year I'm sitting back a little shocked that it really is 12 years since she passed away. Time is so sneaky.

Today is a pajama day -- nowhere I need to be, nothing I need to do, but I admit...after showering I did put on a sweat shirt and yoga pants instead of the pjs. Seemed a little pointless to get back into the pjs. But I've put on no make up, just some moisturizer (got to keep that dry winter crocodile skin supple!) and I didn't blow dry my hair...just fluffed it with a towel and my fingers.

The other night I made some of these. The first time I'd tried, let alone made, a lemon drop martini. It was tart and tangy and just right. I did make some changes. Grey Goose? Yeah, I don't have that. Oh it's lovely, but I'm not the type to spend the extra money on a brand name. On wine perhaps. Vodka? No. I don't move in those circles...but if I have too many of these I'm quite certain I'd be moving in circles. I didn't have any triple sec either but I did have some cointreau...orange is orange is orange...and it was fine.

I think this afternoon it will just be some tea in a pretty cup and I'll watch some of my class videos. The nice thing about online classes...it doesn't matter how you dress or if you shower.

And thanks so much for all the comments about online classes and the frustration I've been feeling. Nice to know that I am not the only one who finds the class support or forum pages filled with too much unnecessary information!

A New Day...

2012-01-11T13:22:00.001-05:00

What does a new day bring? After a full night of sleep (thank you for suggestions, comments, ideas and support!) and the errands that needed to be done in the morning, it brings me to exactly this place, this moment.

I'm taking a couple of online classes --- with Misty Mawn and Jeanne Oliver and I've been watching videos, reading content and absorbing. There are some people in these classes who have jumped right in and begun to create and that's wonderful for them. There are others, like myself, who haven't lifted a finger, who are taking this at the pace that "works" best...for me.

Both of these classes have online groups on facebook and that's an excellent place to share questions, work, thoughts and offer one another support. However, I was beginning to feel overwhelmed with the incredibly large number of emails in my inbox, all to do with these two courses. There are some people who post 3-5 times in a day (some actually more than that) with their works in progress. One group in particular is beginning to frustrate me from the sheer volume. It's due in part to the number of people participating in the class but it is also just the nature of some people, to seek constant praise or critique.

I've learned that online classes are no different from regular in class workshops because people are the same in either situation. There are some students who are further ahead in skill than others...so you have the novice with the experienced who just wants to brush up on a technique or try something new. The work is posted and the novice can feel inferior or less or discouraged from continuing. Obviously if a more experienced artist takes the time to encourage a novice that can make a tremendous difference. And then there are those who fall somewhere in the middle and it's been my experience that you hear very little from that group as they continue to work away and do what they love simply because they love doing it.

You have the students who constantly need/want/expect the teacher's input -- they are the ones always at the front of the room showing and asking and generally annoying the other students because their need is so great. It happens online as well. My inbox is evidence of that. They don't post online because they are looking for serious critique and advice/opinion...they just want to say "see what I did!". The only people who ever needed that or got that from me (and will continue to get that from me if they need it) are my children. That frequent outpouring makes it harder to actually see the work of others, so time needs then to be spent on wading through all the facebook posts. More power to those who want to constantly share but for me it is time consuming to say the least.

So I have turned off the notifications from facebook to my email. I will only get the notices from my friends for specific reasons and I can continue with these courses at my pace without the other overwhelming distractions that happen.

Lots more on my mind...making some further changes to my blog and elsewhere and getting ready to take that BIG risk! And yes, I am thoroughly enjoying both classes!

And I wonder why my brain has been on overdrive!!

Again? Really???

2012-01-10T10:25:00.000-05:00

(image from care4healthy.com)

One of the things I notice most as I move up the ladder of years is the poor quality of my sleep. Years ago I'd be in bed and sleeping by 10:00 or 10:30 p.m. I was one of those people who, when my head hit the pillow, I would be asleep within 5 minutes. And I'd sleep through the night, with good, deep, quality sleep. No longer.

Most nights I'm not turning out the light until after 11:30. I know that I could stop reading and settle myself earlier and very likely I would get back into a new pattern. Or would I? I find that I enjoy this evening ritual of reading or making notes to myself as my "quiet" time, and yet it is costing me in more ways than just yawning during the day or feeling a little sluggish. There are serious side effects to lack of decent sleep. Weight gain, heart disease, diabetes...all of these can develop due to poor sleep habits.

Last night was another where I found myself tossing, turning and thinking. I used most of my "go to" remedies of a warm bath, a cup of decaf herbal tea, reading something completely boring and finally I just needed to remain still, close my eyes and wait. It was past 2:30 and probably closer to 3:00 a.m. before I finally "let go". Quality sleep? I doubt it.

Part of the problem is pain. Post chemo I have developed a constant ache in my left hip. I put that down to the taxol which does affect bones, muscles and joints while you are having the treatment. Finding a comfortable position in which to sleep is often problematic. Massage helps and I am overdue for that. I use Arnica Gel which sometimes helps and sometimes just a heating pad will do the trick. When the ache radiates to the small of my back I know I have let it go too long.

Hormones, or lack of hormones is also responsible. In some ways I was fortunate that chemotherapy put me into early menopause...there was much to be celebrated in no longer needing to deal with feminine issues. But lack of estrogen is being felt in many ways.

What I know is that we learn to compensate and we learn other ways of coping. For tonight I think I'll try two things...getting to bed and turning out the light by 10:30 p.m. and perhaps an over the counter medicine that deals with nighttime pain relief.

Turning my brain "off" when I get into bed with the lights off? That's another story!!

It's About Fig...

2012-01-09T09:53:00.000-05:00

(image found on google)

Last week I was reading one of the many fashion/style/life magazines that I enjoy browsing through (and yes, sometimes reading the articles...) and came across a piece about Jennifer Aniston. It was a short question and answer of things Jen likes and what she uses.

One of the products Jennifer mentioned was Estee Lauder's Lip Pencil in Fig. Apparently this is, and has been the actress's "go to" lip pencil for many years. Her reason being...it goes with everything.

I love trying out what others recommend. Sometimes I get lucky and it works for me as well, other times it's a waste of time and money. Not in this case. I'm really pleased with this pencil, probably one of the best I have used, and I agree with Jennifer...this colour does work with everything. Until trying the Estee Lauder, I'd been using MAC Spice lip liner for years and it was great. Until I tried this and saw the difference.

As we age our skin changes our hair changes and what once looked good on us can also change. For me, going with the more pink toned Fig has been a less harsh look and a less pronounced look than the brown Spice. The pencil glides on smoothly and there is no sharpening of the pencil required. Twist and go. The round tip on the pencil also means a soft outlining rather than the stark lines that can come with other pencils.

The pencil has a brush at the opposite end which stays in it's pointed shape and I love that. You can use this brush with any brand of lipstick or gloss, wipe clean and you are ready to go again. It means packing less in your make up bag with this multi use tool.

The package also comes with a refill pencil and refills are easily purchased at the Estee Lauder counter. Cost? I paid $23 US at Macy's in Buffalo and I expect this will last me for some time. I generally use a lip pencil at least once per day.

I enjoy talking about style, fashion and design and I enjoy sharing products I have found whether it is by design or by accident. Perhaps I'll make this a regular weekly feature, a Style Monday section.

A Winter Sunday Afternoon....

2012-01-08T17:05:00.002-05:00

On a winter, Sunday afternoon...this is the only place I want to be...with a glass of red, a good book, or maybe a cup of tea and a magazine...just resting and enjoying the moments.

It's quiet when they go back to school...the routine changes and there is one less at the table...for awhile. I wonder if he'll miss us, as much as we'll miss him....

Two Decades....

2012-01-07T10:13:00.001-05:00

My youngest son is 20 today. Where have 2 decades gone? He himself told me yesterday that he finds it hard to come to grips with the fact that he is now 20. No longer a number in the teens, he is now really an adult.

I look at this picture of The Count holding the number 20 and remember when we would watch "Sesame Street" together. Counting the numbers and imitating the Count with his funny Transylvanian accent. This child was funny though. He knew the numbers and the alphabet before he started school but when you would ask him to recite the alphabet you'd get something like "a, b, c, d, 10, k, 1..." -- all jumbled up. I had some doubts about his mental state! But his teacher assured me he knew both and knew them well. Sums up this young man in many ways. He keeps much about himself and his life close to his chest and shares what he wants, when he wants. If he knows you want an answer but he's not really prepared to share very much, he'll tell you what he thinks you want to hear. It's taken me 20 years to come to grips with that. Clever kid!

Happy Birthday kiddo!

I'm Gonna Be A Regulah...

2012-01-06T10:54:00.001-05:00

(image found on google)

Spent an overnight in Buffalo, New York with my oldest. While I was away in early December, Christmas gifts were purchased (as per ideas and detailed information given to me by youngest) and duly given on the 25th. Sadly we discovered that sizes in a few things were incorrect or correct sizes did not fit properly. Which meant returns. This is the nub of shopping over the border. Great deals, great items, vast variety, stores that are not in Canada (yet ... Target for one makes it's debut in Ontario in spring 2013) all add to the "thrill" of over the border shopping. Having to make returns...is not like driving to the local mall. Plans are for me to be back in the US next month (I have been a frequent flier...what do you call that when you travel by car??) but it would be too late in some cases for exchange/return policies and of course youngest wanted to take any exchanges with him when he leaves for school again this Sunday.

Being away only 24 hours means spending only $50 to bring back into Canada. I didn't worry about exchanges as that money had previously been spent but of course new purchases and keeping myself to under $50??? Challenge!! But don't forget my word for 2012 is RISK. You do the math!!

I had wanted some perfume/eau de cologne for Christmas but being given a beautiful Mac Book Pro -- who needed perfume?? However, while away I thought I'd get a bottle. Being gone less than 48 hours meant no duty free shopping either. So off to Sephora for me. I was thinking Chanel No. 5 which I haven't worn for a few years but I stopped at the Marc Jacobs display. It was the packaging that caught my marketing trained eye. The boxes for all of the Marc Jacobs scents are HUGE. One of the staff came to help me choose and I went with the Daisy Eau So Fresh, which is a lighter scent than the Daisy itself. I commented to the young woman about the size of the boxes...yes, he needs the space to accommodate those wild daisy tops on the bottles, but I commented to the woman that I wondered if Marc Jacobs himself is a "small" man. She didn't know but thought that an interesting assumption. A google search later that night in the hotel confirmed it -- Marc Jacobs is 5'6". I'm not saying that he is over compensating for anything...I'm just noting that I psychologically connected the size of the box to the size of the man. Valid or not, I thought it was interesting. And for the record I love the packaging, the bottle and the scent.

There were a few other purchases. A great faux leather jacket by INC in Macy's marked down and an additional 15% off. The store clerk had assumed I was Canadian and did ask and suddenly I had this 15% discount. I later learned from a friend here that if you show your Canadian ID at Macy's in the US you are given a 15% discount...Macy's loves Canadians and Canadians love Macy's. To quote the mother played by Thelma Ritter in the original "Miracle on 34th Street" -- "I'll tell ya, I ain't done much shoppin' in Macy's but from now on I'm gonna be a regulah Macy's customah".

It's always lovely to stay in a hotel (especially one that offers Canadian Traveler deals at great prices!), eat in new places and just be away from the every day routine. And then there is the crashing back to reality...but only for a short while as I gear up for my next getaway in early February. This one has MUCH to look forward to!!!

It's Everywhere I Go...

2012-01-03T15:12:00.005-05:00

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes....the Troggs are singing about love...I'm talking about excitement...that feeling that something is about to happen and you feel it from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Something that is happening around you but something that you are putting into the universe...a creation that is taking shape and how good it can make you feel.

It's written on the wind...

It's everywhere I go...

When?

2012-01-02T15:46:00.002-05:00

(words mine; digital image by Eena's Creations)

Take a Cup...For Auld Lang Syne...

2011-12-31T13:06:00.000-05:00

The hours count down to end this year and ring in the start of a new year. The years seem to pass much too quickly and so much change occurs...there is loss and there are gains. There is bad news and there is good news. We can never know what any year will bring us, we just do the best that we can with what awaits us.

What remains a constant is hope. There is always hope.

I wish for all of you prosperity, good health, joy in each day and abundant possibilities all 365 days of this coming year.

The Word Is...

2011-12-28T13:35:00.000-05:00

(digital collage by me. Background from Eena's Creations)

I've had 3 words running through my head, each one wanting to be chosen as "the word" that I will commit myself to for the year 2012. They are all good words and the two that I have not chosen (runner up and miss congeniality) actually feed into the one I chose.

My first thought was "order". After a year of being here, there and everywhere and having so many "things" in this house and shifting "things" from one place to another, "order" seemed like a very good word. I could use a lot of "order" in my life. But the disorder was coming from other places and it wasn't so much a lack of order coming from me. Mind you, I have been a little "out of order" in my own life, so "order" was a contender. But alas, it has become "miss congeniality".

The next word that seemed to have echoes of possibility was "focus". Ah!! What I really do need is some "focus". How many times have I changed the look of this blog this year? How many name changes? How many times have I started a project and failed to complete it? How many online workshops have I signed up for an not even started? "Focus" Sherry, "Focus"!! My brain is jumping and flitting and can't seem to settle. Because there are too many things I want to do and too many directions I want to go. "Focus" and "Order" seemed to be one in front of the other. I can't have "focus" if I don't have "order". But "focus" wasn't the one nudging me to the finish line and it has become the "runner up".

I know that I will still use these two words when I am concentrating on "risk". RISK. R.I.S.K. I will need order and I will need focus so that I can "risk".

I haven't been doing much of that in the last six years. I've been hanging on and moving through life and in too many ways, playing it "safe". Certainly I have broken out of ruts and I have done things I didn't dream that I would. But on the whole I have been cocooned and done things to not make waves. I've felt that if I was safely wrapped up and just going day to day and being in that day, that nothing "bad" would happen. I have been trying to stay somewhat invisible, while also looking for recognition. Those two things do not belong together. You can't have recognition if you are invisible.

I keep thinking about what it is I want to do with this wild and unpredictable life, and where I want to be and that requires that I "risk". That I "leap fearlessly" and that I make the commitment to myself to do those things that I have promised myself I will.

The quote by Anais Nin has long been one that I cherish. The word "risk" came back to me again when I thought of this quote and I knew that this would be the word that would be my intention for 2012.

I'm up for the challenge.

Finding the Right Words...

2011-12-27T11:34:00.000-05:00

This is the time of year where many people begin to think towards the coming year and what that will mean, what it will hold. Some people sit down and write out resolutions, and usually within the first week intention is there and after that? It all falls to the wayside. We set expectations that are too high and with the coming down from the holiday high and being into the depths of winter, it is extremely difficult to hold ourselves to those expectations.

Years ago I intentionally removed the word "should" from my vocabulary. Oh, every now and then it creeps in and worms its way into a sentence but I'm mindful and when I hear that "sh" sound making it's bold entrance, I stop myself and think of a better word to use. There are many.

In the last few years I have followed what many bloggers (and non bloggers I'm sure) have taken on board. Finding a word that will be the intention for the year. It isn't a matter of just plucking a word out of the air and saying "this one is good". It's a mindful exercise of thinking about how you would like to see the coming year unfold and what you can do to commit to that and make it happen.

Tia Tuenge was talking about this on her blog and she has outlined a number of words that might resonate with you....you can see them here.

As for me, I will be sitting this week mulling over a few words I've been thinking about. Deciding which one is "the" word is taking some time as I mull them over and think about what it is I hope to and intend to achieve in 2012.

Do you make resolutions or do you choose a word of intention?

Another One is Done....

2011-12-26T13:15:00.000-05:00

Christmas Eve

The quiet of Christmas Morning before anyone else was awake.

I enjoy the time when it is just "me", able to sit at the tree with a cup of coffee (something seasonal, like a Candy Cane or Pumpkin Spice or in this case, a Christmas Blend) and savour the silence and the atmosphere. To think or dream, or say a few quiet words of prayer and thanks in gratitude for so much.

This year I participated in the Oh Hello Friend Lovely Package Exchange and shared a post about the gifts I sent which you can read here.

While I sipped my coffee this was the time I chose to open my gifts from Alison...and what a delightful surprise I received...from the way it was packaged to be mailed and how each item was wrapped. I love each of the gifts that Alison chose for me, but I'm especially delighted that the proceeds from the purchase of little red and gold pillow box went to a local women's shelter. THAT is what giving of the season is all about.

the pussy willows made me smile!

As for the remainder of the day -- the turkey in the oven, the boys opening stockings, the rest of us opening gifts, eating a large brunch and drinking mimosas...and then a nap and then dinner...I took very few photographs.

This was a different Christmas for us, the first where it was just the 4 of us. We had no time schedule, no needing to have anything done because guests were arriving. It did mean that the turkey was a little "over done" and dry (this is what cranberry and gravy are for, correct?) but we didn't mind. My son the chef has become hooked on Jamie Oliver and so he prepared a Jerk Ham that was delicious...spicy hot, and very good. It's nice to have help in the kitchen.

Today is Boxing Day (in Canada, the UK and Australia), and we rest. Some of us are still sleeping. Some are watching a soccer match on tv and later this afternoon the World Jr. Hockey Tournament will be on television starting at 3 p.m. EST. I would like to go and see a movie after dinner...but we will see. It's just take it all as it comes this week. I rather like that.

Wishes for Comfort and Joy....

2011-12-23T07:55:00.000-05:00

I'm going to be off the computer for the next few days. There is some baking to be done. And many gifts to be wrapped. There will be movies watched and meals shared in their simplicity. And drinks to imbibe and music to be listened to.

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas. Because that is what I celebrate. For those of you who celebrate other traditions and other religions, I wish you a very blessed holiday season.

May it be everything that you wish it to be and may you find joy and comfort with those you love.

I've Got It...Have You???

2011-12-22T12:00:00.000-05:00

Steve and Eydie. That sound, that era. They had "it"...could create the most beautiful music together. I grew up listening to them as they were favourites of my parents and whenever I hear this song on the radio I am immediately transported back to childhood holidays and great memories. It matters not if there was an argument over a toy, or fractured tempers because parents had too much egg nog and too little sleep the night before, or that by evening everyone was shattered. The memories are of the good things. It reminds me of what I was talking about yesterday...that memories of people no longer with us and times past can still be good ones...positive and joyful. It's what we choose to believe and choose to remember.

They really don't make music like this anymore...although I admit, Michael Buble does an excellent job of recreating the music of that era.

I've Got That Holiday Feeling....

Leap Fearlessly....

2011-12-21T07:56:00.002-05:00

As much as there is joy and much to fill the heart with warmth at this time of year, there is also sadness. It comes whether we want to accept it or not. As the Grinch himself learned, you can take away all the trappings of Christmas, but it will come to us regardless. I'm reminded of the Grinch this week. I think cancer is The Grinch in every way.

We learned the other night that the mother of a young man my youngest son has known since they were 12, passed away. She had had breast cancer many years ago and it is unclear to us whether this was a return of the cancer, cancer that had lain dormant for years and resurfaced or something completely separate. And of course we do not want to pry. It is heart breaking to think of this family, so close to Christmas and suffering such a loss. It matters not that they were prepared and knew it was going to happen. Every year they will feel this way as Christmas approaches. What I hope for this family is that instead of feeling sadness and sorrow, that they feel joy and happiness. That they remember their wife and mother and the happy times, the wonderful holidays they shared and the love that created their family.

What is hard is that I know when something like this happens to someone we know, the thought runs through my children's heads and my husband's head and most likely my friends' heads...that old "what if that happened to us..." or "there but for the Grace of God..." and we are once again reminded that we will never be free of The Grinch...it will haunt us all the days of our lives. And once again we are reminded...live. Live, live, live. Love. Embrace. Savour. Enjoy. Commit. Rejoice. Be.

I found this Kelly Rae Roberts angel ornament when I was on my recent trip to Michigan. It was on a tree in the upstairs loft of a lovely little shop. As soon as I saw it, I knew this angel was coming home with me. "Leap Fearlessly". It is what we must do in this life, over and over and over. Sometimes we are too tired but we do it anyway. Sometimes we leap with joy. But no matter how we do it or under what circumstances we find ourselves, it is something we need to do. It is what I intend to do.

I was outside taking photographs of our winter garden display and decor and when I was downloading the photographs I couldn't help but notice the heart created in the background of this one. I don't know what was in the background that made that happen...but I'll tell myself that an angel was watching and wanted me to remember that even though there are people we will miss this Christmas, they are always with us. In our hearts.

It's Easy to Be Happy...

2011-12-20T14:38:00.000-05:00

The message here is "Be Happy"...and how could I not be? I am the truly lucky recipient of this stunning piece of work by artist Diane Salter. In honour of Diane's 2 year blogging anniversary, she hosted a giveaway which I entered and was so pleasantly surprised to discover that I had won!

I took photographs both inside and outside so you could see just how detailed, colourful and gorgeous this piece of art truly is. Don't you love the knobs on top of the piece? I can't wait to hang it. Once the holidays are over and things are being put back in place I always re-organize and I look forward to adding this work to my decor. Thanks ever so much Diane...a wonderful gift for me!

Diane has an etsy shop where she shares her work...please take a look. You very well might find something to fall in love with!

Getting That Holiday Feeling..

2011-12-19T09:33:00.002-05:00

A gift wrapped with love...and left overs (all of which she will appreciate!)...for my wonderful friend Barb, with whom I spent the day on Saturday...no opening until December 25th!

Time spent yesterday at the local garden centre to choose a tree...and enjoy the decor and the ambiance that has been created for shoppers...

The tree (a small one this year) is brought home, waiting to be put into the stand and decorated....

and some greenery outdoors to offer a warm "welcome" to those who come to call...

As for me, I'm starting to "believe".... are you???

It's In the Heart...

2011-12-16T12:15:00.000-05:00

Being away for a few days this month means that I am way behind "schedule", if keeping a schedule was something I needed to do. Decorating? For the holidays? I'm still trying to find places to put all the things from my mother-in-law's and from my son's apartment. I just move things from one place to another. The mess never really "goes", it just gets shifted to another room. And that will have to do until after Christmas.

I'm keeping things simple and minimal this year. It will be a different Christmas for us anyway with just the 4 of us, our first Christmas as our own unit. We'll get a tree this weekend, even though I'm allergic, because it means a lot to my children. Given that we will only have it up for a few weeks, I think I can cope and I'll have plenty of allergy meds on hand. The day will come soon enough when they have their own homes and I will switch to an artificial tree then...although it really won't be the same. It will be different. Different can be good.

Not much shopping left to do, and quite honestly I don't feel like being part of the masses at the malls and jammed parking lots. I don't want to stand in line for a long time waiting to pay for whatever it is that I need. If I don't have it by the 24th, I'll just do without it. I probably didn't "need" it anyway.

This weekend will be spent sharing a day with a friend...browsing shops in a little town, celebrating my birthday (belatedly) and exchanging Christmas gifts. Tomorrow night it will be dinner with good friends...she is a wonderful (exceptional!) chef and he is a delightful raconteur. A gift and a nice bottle of wine will be in order.

With the weather so warm (unseasonably!) at this point in December, it doesn't feel like Christmas and it doesn't look like Christmas. But then, it's in the heart and not in the outer trimmings and as long as I've got it in my heart...it will be just right. Enjoy your weekend.

Continuing Change...

2011-12-15T10:59:00.002-05:00

A few days away was good for the soul and good for clearing my head so that I could continue to think about the direction I am now heading. As you will have noticed there is now another change to my blog look. No longer a sidebar...for now. Until I complete this "renovation" I am keeping things simple, clean and streamlined.

We headed south west to Michigan last Friday, and as we did the sun was setting in this glorious colour combination. The sun behind the clouds and the stark contrast of the barren trees seemed so soothing and so warm. I love the tints of gold in the clouds. While winter is upon us within a few days, the golden light reminded me that there is still warmth to be found and enjoyed during the long, cold months ahead.

A few days in South Haven to just explore this little town. I had read about it in the summer and someone had been talking about their stay on their blog. I can no longer remember who that was, but she did message me and say I wouldn't regret a visit. Our original destination had been Chicago, but with needing to go Windsor to finalize the transfer of the lease on the apartment our son had there and get that monkey off our backs (finally!), our travel time was cut so we opted to stay a little closer.

Quaint and charming is my thought about South Haven. We explored all the shops, had a lovely breakfast in one of the cafes and spent some time at the Mistletoe Market -- a craft fair in support of the South Haven Arts Council. It was exactly what you would expect from a small town art/craft fair. There wasn't much that I wanted but I did leave a few dollars behind in support of the independent artisan.

something for the tree

a little something for me...

A trip down to the harbour to look at the water and admire some of the truly beautiful homes on the shore...

and my first look, ever, at Lake Michigan...a little on the cold side...

and I have now seen all of the Great Lakes. Not that this was on my list of things to do in life, but living as close as I do to all of them, I'm glad to be able to say that I have witnessed their majesty.

There was shopping and there was dining. And while we thought we might sample a lot of restaurants and cafes, it didn't really work out that way. We found some spots that we enjoyed. And we had one "picnic" in the room and bought some interesting desserts...

this poor, mad looking delight looks as if it was decorated by a child, or an adult who had been nipping into the "sauce"...

Shopping consisted mainly of finding Christmas gifts for the boys (I suppose they would prefer to be called men these days), record hunting for my husband who has gone back to his love of vinyl and we found a few stores that were carrying old 45s and LPs. At one stop in Holland, Michigan while he browsed through dusty old records, I sat in a lovely little candy, ice cream, coffee shop called Kilwin's and had a peppermint cappuccino, inhaling the scent of chocolate all around me as I watched a young man dip pretzels and truffles and other wonderful treats.

From South Haven we headed to Birch Run/Frankenmuth/Saginaw... with stops along the way for more record shopping, outlet shopping, and a trip to Frankenmuth in the evening to see all the sights and the lights.

I fell in love with a number of items in the Pottery Barn outlet in Birch Run -- which I didn't buy -- I was afterall shopping for others...but I think I'll have to hit the Pottery Barn here to see if I can find a few of the goodies I liked. True, I will pay through the nose but it is, what it is!

And of course, a trip to Bronner's in Frankenmuth. Christmas all the time. I don't think I could have spent more than the hour we did in this mega barn of Christmas, and I certainly wouldn't have gone at any other time of year but it was delightful to see small children waiting to see Santa and feel the excitement they were exhibiting (not to mention the crying, the screaming, the tantrums, the parents wheedling and cajoling as siblings argued and pushed one another -- I know I was tired of walking that space...I would have been over stimulated even if I had been in a stroller and had someone pushing me)...

The angel trumpeting the sound of the Christmas season...she seemed to be saying to me...head home, see your children who are both now in the house and settle in to make this Christmas one that is filled with new tradition, new experiences and savour those moments together. Forget what you bought or how you wrapped it -- it is being with those you love that matters most of all.

I'll save my comments about the foods I was able to purchase in the United States that I cannot get in Canada for another day....

Armed and Beautiful...

2011-12-09T07:15:00.000-05:00

anyone who knows me well, knows that I am crazy about bracelets...whether I wear one at a time or pile them on, I don't feel "dressed" if I don't have something on my arm. I wear bracelets only on my left arm. I have no idea. That's just how I roll.

This one is from my friend Lois -- a gift for birthday? Christmas? Birthday I think, a few years ago. And those who know me well, know I have a "thing" about leopard print.

This one I purchased from Lorelei Eurto...only one of a few bracelets I have purchased from Lorelei. Check her etsy here for some of her other wonderful designs.

This one I purchased from Pia Barile. I love the citrines and chose it as a birthday gift to myself. Wonderful friend that Pia is, she included a matching necklace as her gift to me!! See Pia's jewelry on etsy here, and her other creations on this etsy site.

Last month I won a giveaway by Studio Regency...a gift certificate to apply to something I wanted from her shop. So very hard to decide but I added a bit to the gift certificate and came away with this beauty. You can see other designs from Studio Regency here on etsy.

I'm taking all my bracelets (perhaps more than these 4!) and going away for a few days, for a much needed break to catch my breath and regroup after these last few months. I don't expect the Christmas holiday season to be hectic or crazy, nevertheless, a little time away to just sip cappuccino in a cafe and people watch, or a hot chocolate while watching mindless tv, browsing in little shops and just feeling connected to my life again will go a long way to rejuvenating my spirit. Leaving my house in good hands while I'm gone, the first time we've been able to take advantage of having adult children living at home!

Wrap It Up...

2011-12-08T10:55:00.001-05:00

This year I'm taking part in a holiday gift exchange through Oh Hello, Friend. My exchange partner lives in Newfoundland and I hope that Alison will like these little goodies I have put together for her.

Receiving little surprises in the mail is a treat any time of the year, but especially at the holidays. For packaging I re-used as much as I could, from the organza bag, to the boxes which contained other things originally and were the perfect sizes for what I put together for this gift exchange. And no peeks...I don't want Alison to know what she's receiving..these are on their way to Newfoundland now!

Tissue paper, vintage seam binding, card stock and other embellishments are easy and inexpensive ways to dress up a gift and mean so much more because they are personal rather than just "ready to go".

And the table runner I used for the background? Made by my friend Kathy who is a very gifted seamstress among all the other wonderful traits she possesses.

Ideas for other ways to wrap gifts? Please share, I'd love to hear them!

Giving is a Gift...

2011-12-07T15:24:00.001-05:00

There is something about this time of year that always makes me think of children, whether it was me and my younger sister as children, or my own children when they were younger or other people's children.

I've been at the mall a few times over the last few weeks and while it seemed very early in November to see Santa's village in all it's glory, and little ones lined up for their photos, there is no doubt that I was like mush watching them as they waited their turn to enter that "magical kingdom" and sit on the "great man's" knee. Some faces were filled with rapture and awe. Some faces looked like the bogey man had slid out from underneath the bed and might "get them" even while awake. Fear because the suit and the beard are imposing? Fear because the idea of Santa who sees you when you're sleeping and knows if you've been bad or good is right there, right in front of them, larger than life?

Now I'll be honest. I never once sat on Santa's knee. Creeped me right out. I'd do the deed of saying I would see him and my mother would have us line up but when it came to the bit and I had to walk that few feet and talk to Santa, to sit on his knee it was NOT happening. No way, no how. And because I didn't go, my sister refused to go. I know it drove my mother quite frantic and I'm sure she was more than frustrated at wasting time standing around for something she knew full well was NOT going to happen. But bless her heart she always let me try. What made me laugh when I was that bit older was my mother admitting to me that she herself had never been able to sit on Santa's knee.

Only one of my children ever managed that. This one, up there in the photo. My mother and my sister took him to breakfast with Santa when he was 3 and my mother FINALLY managed to get a child to sit on Santa's knee for a photograph. In all honesty, he wasn't happy about it but he did it for his Nana. The younger one? It wasn't worth your life to try and get that to happen. Even seeing Santa walk about the mall as he made his way to his chair was enough to turn that one to stone!

So WHY do we do it? And how to do those parents who get the child on the knee manage to make that happen? Bribes? Candy? I hear a LOT of wailing and crying and screaming going on so I know that not every child who is led to "the chair" likes it or makes it there. And there are plenty of photographs of crying, red faced children with that poor man in the suit. Is it worth it for a keepsake memory? And what about the guy in the suit? All that screaming and crying to listen to...never mind the complex of being so frightening to little ones!

This weekend my oldest son (that one up there) will play Santa for a group of children. He was asked by a friend if he would be interested as the Santa she had hired had bailed on her. He gladly said yes. To help a friend and because he's good with children and intends to teach. There will be no sitting on knees. He will smile at them and talk to them if they wish. He has a soft friendly voice and has already decided how he will speak to them without all that booming "HO HO HO". I'm sure there will be candy canes and small gifts to hand out. I would also expect, depending on the age of the children that there might be some tears and some crying. I hope he can handle that -- I'm sure he can. He has the patience of a saint. I think there are a few more "gigs" for this suit over the month and he'll do the big man proud. Hopefully there will be no "chair"!

What pleases me about this is that it proves to me how children learn what they live. Our children have grown up in a home that has included a very great deal of volunteer work for their many sports and for their schools. We have managed teams, coached teams, fund raised, been parent volunteers on school trips, in the classroom and the list goes on. And it is true. When children see you giving back, they learn that being able to give is a gift all on its own.

*original photo has been photoshopped adding elements from Leora Sanford and from Prettiful Designs

Getting My Glam On...

2011-12-05T11:15:00.001-05:00

I love this magazine. My son brought home this issue for me from his recent trip to England and I read it cover to cover and then went back to re-read some of the articles. I very seldom do that with a magazine, so there is something about this one that appeals to me on so many levels. I especially enjoyed the article about Sophie Dahl. Red is available on newsstands here but it was never on my radar...until now.

One of the articles talked about the fact that come the dry winter weather, women are best to stop using a lip gloss and revert to a lipstick. Something I did not know. In the Personal Shopper feature, Joanna Sykes, the design director for Aquascutum mentioned that one of her beauty must-buys is MAC lipstick in "Hug Me". When I'm in the process of change, one of the first things I look to change is my make-up and my lip colour is one for sure. Whenever I've been ill or had surgery, a new lip colour added to my make-up bag always lets me know I'm on the mend. I bought the "Hug Me" and I love it. Subtle. A taupe, rosy, nude it would look good on anyone.

The same day I was shopping for the lipstick, I went in to Sephora to collect my birthday gift (members are given a gift 2 weeks before or 2 weeks post birthday -- this year it was Philosophy Happy Birthday Beautiful body wash) and came away with a Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer in Nude. It's a travel size, perfect for sampling something that is otherwise expensive and not on my normal purchase list (1 fl. oz/30 ml was $24 Canadian). Another great product. It's silky, smooth, light weight and glides on easily, leaving my skin feeling supple. A little goes a long way and the coverage is excellent. Without a doubt you get what you pay for and I think I'm now a convert to the Laura Mercier moisturizer.

When you need a lift or feel like change is due (or long over due), one of the best ways to pamper is to try something out of your usual comfort zone...a different shade or brand of lip colour, a nail polish for your toes, sample sizes from shops like Sephora. You get the idea. You spend a little to have a big impact. I'm worth it. Aren't you?

Girls Night In...

2011-12-04T15:10:00.001-05:00

When you are having a girls night in, a few things are required. Food and beverage. Laughter is expected and usually follows once the food and beverage have begun.

Cheeses with (or without) crackers are a nice touch. This platter contained brie, sharp cheddar and a delectable goat cheese with cranberries and port. That one I could have eaten with a spoon, but contained myself and spread onto crackers.

A selection of beverages is always welcomed. The red wine was for our main meal and was quite delightful...not too heavy or too sweet...light and fruity. The other bottles combined to create a festive candy cane martini. I can't swear to the recipe being "accurate" but one shot of each: peppermint schnapps, creme de cacao and vodka was a pleasing replication of a candy cane.

Round out the evening by having semi pedicures by soaking feet in the jacuzzi tub filled with bubbles...making sure to not spray your friend in the face when you place your foot over one of the jets...

Dry feet and apply polish for one another...and amazingly we managed to keep the polish on the toes...even after the candy cane martinis and the red wine....the dancing we did to the Wii "Dance" might have had something to do with that....

Thanks for the laughs Elizabeth...celebrating our birthdays together will always be a delight and a thrill!!

Changes...

2011-12-02T11:06:00.001-05:00

Change. Is happening all the time. First thing you will notice here is the change to the name of my blog. Why the change?

I don't have a clearly defined answer for that, other than it seemed "right" and the time seemed "now". I kept thinking about the Portobello Road, where I have never been, but hope to one day explore. But that is a popular name, already taken, already synonymous with something else. Bella has been part of my online art name and identity for a number of years and I wanted to incorporate that so that I am more unified rather than being split in many different directions. Portobella just sounded lovely on my tongue. And more changes are in the works...mostly in my head and on scraps of paper at the moment, but beginning to take a definite shape.

I am slowly making my way back into the online world and while it may not ever be like it was, it will be the way it is meant to be. I'm most appreciative of all the comments that have been left here for me, and for emails I have received with outpourings of support and love. It makes a difference.

Today I was reading the newspaper and this article written by Catherine Porter is worth sharing. I had the experience of be bullied as a child and young adolescent. I did nothing to antagonize my tormentors other than be alive and breath. But something about me made them feel they had the right to treat me as they did. There are some who dislike others who seem to stand firm and it becomes their objective to knock those people down a peg or two. I kept standing. Don't misunderstand. It hurt and it affected me deeply. I was dealing with many other issues in my life and being bullied only added to that. When it stopped there was such a release of being able to breathe again. But I clearly remember not liking the feeling of being a "victim" at the hands of someone else and if it did anything for me, it helped my strength and my backbone. It made me a fighter from within and increased that fortitude. It has stood me well all these many years later.

Bullying continues to be an issue and it seems we are no closer to discovering ways to stop it. The best we can do as individuals is to speak up when we see it happening and use our empathy and understanding to stop it in its tracks.

The Ultimate $4,500 NO EXCUSES Giveaway...

2011-12-01T09:03:00.000-05:00

I've been sharing lately that change is in the air and that circumstances in our lives often force us into a position of stagnating and staying put or moving forward. I've always found that remaining stagnant doesn't "feel" right. I'm out of sorts in my temperament, I don't eat properly, I don't exercise, my sleeping patterns become fragmented and fractured. I find fault with what isn't working around me until I realize...it's me that isn't working, not the things around me. Do you know those feelings? It means you are stuck and you don't want to be but you are refusing to make the moves to incorporate the change that has happened around you. You are trying to continue wearing a size 6 shoe when your foot has grown to a size 7 1/2.

A few weeks ago I was approached by the very dynamic Melissa Bolton who is the personality and energy behind DesignHer Brands. Melissa works with women who are either starting a new business or have a small business they have been working on and need advice and assistance in working on their branding, recognition and voice in the marketplace. In celebration of the first year of Melissa's enterprise she has put together one of the most amazing and generous giveaways. A dream come true for one very lucky winner. Melissa asked if I would be interested in participating in this giveaway and I was eager to do so...thrilled to be asked actually. I not only promote change, I believe fully that in order to enable change within yourself you need to enable change in others.


click here for details on Melissa's blog

Please take a moment, go to Melissa's blog and see the many talented and generous people who are offering their services and their products for one very lucky entrepreneur. It might just change your life.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Red TuTu...

2011-11-28T14:28:00.001-05:00

Birthdays and red tutus. And being a ballerina. And sharing the joy and the laughter of what living life out loud is all about. And there is something magical about a red tutu -- the minute you put it on, you can't help but laugh and smile. M.a.g.i.c.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Red TuTu (as I have dubbed it) began here where it was created, and shared over here for a birthday. Beth had always wanted to dance in a red tutu and Deb made it happen. Beth then decided that the tutu needed to travel to be shared by others with a zest for life and who would dare to dance in a red tutu on a birthday. From Beth it went here. After Meri did her pirouette, the tutu traveled here. After Kim had plied, the package was once again on its way. Imagine my delight when I opened the envelope a few weeks ago and knew that I would have something very special to do on my birthday!

I tried ballet when I was a child. Not very balanced or co-ordinated and a little top heavy for something so elegant, I moved on but have continued to have a love of ballet.

So today is the day. And the weather has co-operated. Unusual for this late in November to have not only sunshine but mild weather. So off I went into the yard clad in an old t-shirt, jeans, biker boots and a red tutu. And my son, bless his heart was kind enough to come out with me and take some photos of his crazy mother...my children are used to my joie de vivre and my silly antics.

(I always was one for lifting her skirts....but how can you resist with this flouncy fluff???)

(this is pure laughter...after taking a leap off the retaining wall I nearly fell on my face and couldn't stop laughing)

Wheeee!! A much better attempt AND I landed on my feet...it's been a few years since this chick jumped in the air!!!

I leave you now with a little "ta da" plie and a curtsy...and I'm still laughing when I look at these photos...that's what birthdays are all about.

The traveling tutu will make its way forward now. I think we are meant to have a contest to determine where it goes next but I know who has a birthday coming up, who will wear this in very good health and not only leap and dance but make an event out of it.

Thanks Deb for making the tutu, Beth for coming up with the idea of passing the joy and Kim for thinking of me. What a great, red letter day!!

I've Been Absent...

2011-11-20T12:20:00.001-05:00

It was usually at this time of year, during my elementary school days, that I would have my first cold of the season...right around the time of the Santa Claus Parade, (which happens to be today but was better when I was a child), the Grey Cup (which is next Sunday) and my birthday. I think of all these things whenever I think of a birthday, when I come down with a cold or flu, or November. And I think of the letters to the teachers my mother would pen. If she was here now it would be something like, "Dear Blog World: Please excuse Sherry's absence as she has been...." well, fill in the blank.

I have been absent both from reading other blogs and from blogging myself. I pop on facebook and etsy daily because I can go to those places and be a bit like a thief in the night -- I'm in and out before you know I've been around. A good friend brought to my attention today that I have been missed and wondered about and that makes me feel cared for. That is never a bad thing...I can think of only good about that!

As of September 1st life has been nothing short of a whirlwind here. Here's a quick recap:

- moved 2 boys out of town to school
- moved 1 boy back home
- mother-in-law fell and broke her leg September 5th
- visits to mother-in-law in hospital
- visits to mother-in-law in rehab
- visits to mother-in-law in convalescent care
- visits to mother-in-law when readmitted to hospital
- trying to unload an unnecessary apartment in Windsor (still with no success)
- mother-in-law passes away November 2nd
- funeral
- moving things out of her retirement residence

That's been life in a nutshell. Add all the business of death and the paperwork. Then the retirement residence asking if we could have everything out by the 15th of the month as they needed the unit for something else (and will reimburse us 10 days worth of rent).

I have 3 homes worth of furniture stacked in this house. We're as close to an episode of "Hoarders" as you could get. And it depresses me...greatly. I can't stand looking at this and yet, there is some progress made each day as we wade through all that we have and do not need. And that isn't always easy because you need to remove the sentimental aspect of what belonged to someone else and reason why you really "need" to keep something.

I've been overwhelmed. I did the eulogy and that was more difficult than I thought it would be but I am glad that I did it. The holidays are on the horizon and this will be the first time that our family has been just us, just the 4 of us. It's going to be difficult in so many ways for all of us. And as I always do when faced with a crisis or a challenge, I put my head down and I "GO" and just get done whatever needs to be done. And then I think about it afterwards.

Add that a woman I know who was diagnosed with breast cancer the same month I was is now facing metastases to her jaw and her brain...and that hit me hard. She is someone from here, someone that I have spent time with. And last week a woman I knew from a discussion board died -- her breast cancer mets were everywhere and once again I am brought up short, face to face with my own situation and what that means to me.

Life will return to a new pattern. I'm in the throes of deciding what to keep and what to let go on every level of my life...it's amazing how that happens when you are pitched head first into change. But I'm strong and I'm here and I'll be back to something more regular as soon as my breathing returns to normal and my head feels like it's above water for longer than a few hours.

Thanks for caring, those of you who have expressed concern. I'm taking the advice of this friend (who sent me the rocks with something else that's pretty darned super dee dooper special!) -- I'm just going my own way right now. It feels right.

Weekend Wonderings...

2011-11-12T10:20:00.000-05:00

(photograph taken at Assumption College in Windsor, Ontario - November 3, 2011)

A beautiful Saturday morning. Cold air with a steel blue sky, a few leaves left on the trees and the sun shining. Brilliant. A lazy morning with nowhere really to go and nothing really to do but a list of things that are waiting to be done. I've chosen to sit longer, enjoy that second cup of coffee and begin to pull the pieces of life together again. A day for fingerless mittens and a warm, chunky scarf.

I realize that the last 2 months have been filled with so many responsibilities and necessary tasks and now we sit back and breathe again...and feel like we are supposed to be doing something. It's funny how the body becomes attuned so quickly to extra activity and it feels like it needs to stay in motion, even when you have come to a full stop.

I'm thinking about a comment Lesley made on a previous post, about pre-planning a funeral and maybe it's morbid but it's comforting to know what you want ahead of time. I don't think that's morbid at all. I think it's sensible and practical and I believe it is kind to others. When you know the words you would like spoken or the music you would like played, it is a kindness to create what you would like and put it away in a safe place. It can be up-dated or changed as the years go on but there is a comfort in knowing that your wishes will be carried out. If only one person is responsible for your final wishes a list of desires may not be necessary. But if more than one person will be handling this -- confusion may arise, discord and old rivalries for "who knew best" may come in to play. I think it's a wonderful idea. As a matter of fact, I plan to do that myself this weekend.

Other than that it is time to be thinking about travel and exploring. To think about de-cluttering and moving forward. It is time to take stock and to open the fresh page in the journal to begin writing the next chapter.

Savour the weekend and all it holds for you.

Our Responsibility for Humanity

2011-11-10T08:45:00.001-05:00

Whether you follow football or not, you most certainly have heard about the tragedy and the crimes against children that has been carried out at Penn State University. People who knew what was happening on that campus remained silent. How could they do that?

The best words I have read about our own responsibility in this world come from Patti Digh. I can add nothing further but I urge you to read her essay. Quite frankly it is your responsibility as much as it is mine.

Beautiful Day in Michigan...

2011-11-09T12:33:00.001-05:00

Auburn Hills, Michigan

Troy, Michigan

A week ago I was in Auburn Hills, Michigan (north of Detroit)...a quick trip to do some early Christmas shopping and to visit friends. Life events changed the plans which meant leaving earlier than planned, so all I managed was a day of shopping in Troy, Michigan at the Somerset Collection, and dinner with my friends Nancy and Sandi...which was wonderful.

While at the Somerset Collection we had lunch at Nordstrom's Cafe. There is no Nordstrom in Canada so it was a treat to spend time there browsing the store and then having an incredibly delicious lunch in the cafe. I like how you choose your food, order it, pay for it and then sit at a table and a server brings what you have ordered. So civilized!

My son had the turkey panini....

and I had the roast beef with a horseradish aioli mayo...

The side salad was just enough and that dressing? A lime cilantro that had just enough bite and just enough flavour. We shared half a sandwich each...a tradition I learned long ago at my mother's knee whenever we'd have lunch out. That way you get the best of both worlds!

As I sat there eating and chatting with my son, I remembered a book I had read about 5 years ago called "Nordie's At Noon". 4 young women who had been diagnosed with breast cancer would meet once a month at Nordie's...at noon...and discuss life and share their thoughts. I felt a connection to these women and a better understanding of the atmosphere in which they shared.

Michigan is only 4+ hours from here and another trip will need to be organized in order to spend more time exploring the area and spending time with the friends I met, and the friends I missed.

Sincere and Heartfelt Thanks...

2011-11-08T11:05:00.001-05:00

Parable of Immortality

I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze
and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength,
and I stand and watch until at last she hangs
like a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says,
"There she goes!”
Gone where?
Gone from my sight. . .that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
as she was when she left my side
and just as able to bear her load of living freight
to the place of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment
when someone at my side says,
"There she goes!”
there are other eyes watching her coming . . .
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout . . .
" Here she comes! "

~Henry Van Dyke

I would like to thank all of you who have left me so many supportive comments of love, sympathy and warmth during this time of sorrow and joy in our lives. They have been truly appreciated and valued. We turn a new page today and begin another chapter in our lives.

The above parable was shared with me by my friend Lelainia and I spoke it yesterday afternoon at the celebration of life. It is so truly how our family feels about this stage in my mother-in-law's life. Flying on the wings of doves being warmly greeted by those who have gone before and prepared the way for her.

Celebrating Death with Life...

2011-11-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

Today I am honouring the life of my mother-in-law. We will be having a "celebration of life" this afternoon, not a funeral, a celebration of life.

You can find me over at Vision and Verb where I am talking about this.

Remember...life comes to us but once. Live it. Fully. Every day.

A Murmuration...of Souls Departing...

2011-11-05T09:51:00.000-04:00

And It is Done...

2011-11-04T23:05:00.001-04:00

My mother-in-law departed this earthly life late in the afternoon of November 2nd. She turned her head on the pillow, breathed one last breath and went peacefully to where we have yet to travel.

Dia de los Muertos...Day of the Dead...

2011-11-01T08:52:00.000-04:00

Dia de los Muertos or Day of the Dead....I created this treasury on etsy to celebrate this holiday where many cultures, especially that in Mexico honour their dead. The celebration includes All Saints' Day (November 1st) and All Souls' Day (November 2nd).

This one was created in memory of my deceased ancestors.

And It All Began...

2011-10-31T10:11:00.002-04:00

I haven't done anything for Halloween over the last few years. I think I simply ran out of steam and out of interest.

I loved the event as a child. Anxious to get home from school, to don my costume and get ready to go out (usually in the rain) with my basket or a bag and collect candy from the neighbours. It was the one and only time I ever ventured up some of those stairs and walkways to houses that I would pass the other days of the year. I couldn't have told you the names of some of the neighbours but it didn't matter. It was the night when convention went out of the window and you were excited to walk up to unknown doors and knock, singing out "trick or treat", "trick or treat, smell my feet" or "shell out shell out the witches are out". Note: I never once went out for Halloween as a witch. No idea why, just never occurred to me.

You see I was the child who wanted to be different. I never once had a store bought costume. I never once wanted to be a princess, a witch, a black cat or a ghost. Much too easy I think. I came up with things like cowgirl, painter, hobo, a baby, a lamp (yes, a lamp)...I liked to find things around the house that I could implement into a costume. I loved putting make up on my face and getting into the character. Okay, the lamp...really you want to know about that. I know you do. I found an old lampshade in the basement. I cut out eye holes, put on brown clothing head to toe and there I was...a lamp. Cost? Nothing. Score? Lots of candy and lots of appreciative and funny comments from neighbours.

When it was time for me to retire my candy bag and be the one at the door doing the doling out of candy, I moved on to my sister and began to costume her. This photograph is from the 1970s. My sister is on the right, her friend on the left. They wanted to be something together and they wanted to be the same. Idea? A pair of dice. Cardboard boxes found at the grocery store. Paint from the basement (we had plenty as my father was a paint salesman for, at that time it would have been Pittsburgh Paints), and away I went. I would have preferred to do 2 different numbers but the girls insisted they be the same. They were hanging from their bodies with suspenders I found in my dad's closet. Voila. Unique and original costuming.

I carried this forward with my children. Every year they would give me some idea of what they wanted to be and off I went. Scouring charity shops and my own closets to create just the costume. And they were never disappointed.

The pumpkin was important. The face always had to be friendly yet scary and I would sprinkle cinnamon on the lid so that when the heat from the candle reached it, the pumpkin would smell inviting.

I miss those days yes, but I do not miss the decorating, standing around waiting for children and the rush and chaos of getting out the door. A meal was never eaten properly and a meal was never required. Some soup or chili, a grilled cheese sandwich...something fast and something warm and filling.

To those who still have the desire the interest and the little ones to take part, I say carry on. My season of Halloween has been and gone. I'll be in the basement watching tv tonight!

A Special Day...

2011-10-29T13:29:00.001-04:00

Amid the sorrow and the sadness of our lives lately, there is still joy and happiness. Yesterday we made the trip out of town to watch our son, our firstborn, graduate from University with his BA. The undergrad degree to which he will add more education.

Interestingly for us, the convocation was held in the local Recreation Complex. Laurier University is a small school and hasn't the auditorium space for an event of this size. So we went to a hockey arena to watch these young people's crowning moment. Fitting for this family who spent our children's youth in hockey arenas throughout the province. This one in particular. My husband and I had sat in these seats watching games. I marvel at how life comes full circle!

The guest speaker was boxer Lennox Lewis who was presented with an honourary degree at the ceremonies yesterday. Note the arena seats behind him. Truly classy. Yes, I could have removed this background using photoshop but somehow the arena seats add to what this day represented. My son shook his hand when he received his diploma and said the man's hands are huge. Something else to add to the memories of this day.

Congratulations Evan...the future is bright, the future is waiting for you.

Waiting with Grace...

2011-10-25T11:05:00.000-04:00

Life has been quiet this last week. One child away (and home tomorrow night). One child here and spending time with his friends. Mother-in-law in hospital still and we are back and forth. Some days she's a bit more coherent, most days she is not. Sometimes when she is alert she is talking nonsense...it makes sense to her I'm sure. We just keep nodding and agreeing, saying "that's a good idea" or "okay", for what else can you do?

I've done no art to speak of for a few weeks. My heart isn't really in it. I did make a digital collage for the holidays...which is now in my etsy shop...

but that is all. My mind is elsewhere and sitting down to work becomes disrupted and disconnected.

If you are interested in any Fall or Halloween items in my shop, I have a special right now. Enter the coupon code FALL2011 to receive an immediate 40% off all items in that section.

I'm sitting in all day today (lovely sunny day, but cold) waiting for the doctor to call with an up-date. He is hard to pin down as he makes his rounds at different times. We left word that we would like to speak with him and I trust that he will do that today. Lack of sleep makes me think napping will be on the slate for today.
This waiting and not knowing what is happening is teaching us more than patience. We are learning about grace, dignity and humility. That medicine doesn't always have all the answers. And that all things will happen in their time. All good things. Always.

Peaceful Journey...

2011-10-23T13:02:00.000-04:00

this has been our journey since Thursday

days of watching

and finding peace in the journey.

Rethink it ....

2011-10-22T09:07:00.001-04:00

For those of you who have had it up to "here" with me talking about this, lets change lanes and do something a little different...

Come on now...can you resist watching hunky men show you and remind you how to do those breast self exams?? You now you want it.....